Is an encore in the cards?

Well, here is the opening I used on Friday night. I thought it went rather poorly, but people keep coming up to me and telling me that they enjoyed it. I did a better job later when I was doing stuff more spur of the moment, but I really was suprised that this didn't go over well. I can generally tell if something is good or not, and I was pretty sure this was good! I guess I'll have to blame the audience for this one.

Fritz

* * * * * * * *

Good evening everyone, and welcome to the 1^st Annual SMI Christmas Party that features me. I felt so honored when I was asked to be the MC of this year’s Christmas party, and my gratitude to what’s her name for asking me can’t be put into words.

Anyway, I just have a list of people that we need to thank before we can get started. First of all, thank you to Barrack’s Catering who has cooked the food, thank you to Anna Pittenger and Abigail Coon who will be playing while we eat so that we won’t have to hear each other chewing, and a special thank you to Barb Lange for putting this all together, and last, but certainly not least, thank you to me.

When I agreed to be the MC for the party this year the outpouring of affection was incredible. “Not everyone will understand your humor.” “Don’t forget that there will be children there!” “Watch the things you say!” “Remember that the board will be there!”

Actually that last one was rather helpful, I had a list of embezzlement jokes all ready to use.

Seriously though, we like to have a good time at SMI, but it is clean, law abiding fun, the rumors of Dwayne Carr and myself having to spend a few nights in a Las Vegas jail were vastly overblown. We are much too old and mature to do something that would jeopardize our freedom, or jeopardize our right to go to use a private toilet.

I didn’t realize how old I was until last summer when I was in a friend’s wedding. I was the best man and so I would have to dance with the maid of honor. My friend told me not to get excited since she was twenty-eight years old.

“Wow!” I thought, “how ancient! Would I have to carry her cane for her or pick her up from the retirement home?”

Then I realized that I was 26 and after doing some higher math I realized that in two years I would be that decrepit 28 year old. It is humorous to me how each age group doesn’t think that they are old, it is the next age group that is the burden on society.

Many people in their twenties are pretty sure that they will have to have pacemakers put in when they turn 30, thirty somethings dread being “over the hill” at 40. I hear rumors that 40 year olds make sure that their wills are made out when they near 50.

What amuses the rest of us is that people in their 50s have launched a giant campaign trying to convince all of us that “life begins at 50.” It seems to me that we need to be careful that the abortionists don't get behind this slogan. Forget the whole argument about whether life begins at conception or birth, it begins at 50!

I can picture the conversation now, a woman going into a “doctor’s” office:

"Doctor, I need your assistance, I have a son in the 92nd trimester. He is about to turn 30 and I don't want to have to pay to have his pacemaker put in."

With a Church like this, who needs an Anti-Christ?

Go read this, and read as many of the comments you can stand to read.


http://www.talk2action.org/story/2005/12/14/10845/314


Back from wretching? Good.


I am amazed that these people call themselves Christians. I have real problems with any baby killer (pro-choice) that calls themself a beliver in Christ. Not only do these people find abortion ok, they want there to be more "pro-choice" laws! One of the wonderful posters stated that when women get educated they have fewer children. My mother graduated from college and was rather well educated. She had five of us, you idiot.

Once again we come back to that whole critical thinking thing. I know it is hard, but once you realize that you are not really as smart as you think you are things get much easier. Just because you say that there is an overpopulation problem doesn't make it so. Show me some facts, facts like this one:

The entire population of the world can fit inside the state of Texas.

Imagine how much elbow room we would all have if we spread out across the whole country! Maybe we need to kill more babies until we can all fit inside Rhode Island. would you all be happy then?

I have an idea, why don't you all kill yourselves in order to give the rest of us a bit more room. It seems the only honorable thing to do, rather than kill defenseless babies, just off yourselves. That would solve two other problems as well, first we would no longer have to listen to your stupidity, and secondly we can actually find out if you are truly believers when you face the wrath of the holy Judge.


Fritz

Coach of the Year!

It is offical! JoPa is the Coach of the Year! I might be slightly biased, but that is the only selection that makes sense. Penn State was picked to finished 8th or 9th in the Big ten, not win it and end up 3rd overall in the entire country.

I can't wait for January 3rd when Penn State will demolish Florida State and prove to all the naysayers that Joe Paterno still has what it takes. He also knows what is important about student athletics. How many other Coaches have a library named after them?


Fritz

The Speech!

Tonight is the big night! I will be MCing the Christmas party where I work. I have to attempt to be funny, but not too over the top. But as all of you know who read this, over the top is what I do!

So it will be interesting to see how I do. I have prepared some stuff that I think is pretty doggone funny without being offensive to any weak-livered people that might be there.

The opening speech in its entirety will be posted here after the party for all to read and laugh, cry, and commiserate with all of us......or something like that.

Fritz

Advent of a Miracle

I love Christmas time, the time when we think about the fact that Christ left His throne, willingly, and lived in the flesh for 33 years.

I don’t think we realize what exactly that means, the High Holy Guy had a great sermon last Christmas Eve about what Christ went through on a daily basis in order to live amongst us.

Picture yourself living in your house, your house with no plumbing leaks, no drafts, a perfectly working furnace, all the water you need (cold AND hot). Picture yourself in that house with your family, with kids who never bicker, a spouse you always cherish, love and honor, and a vehicle that always works.

Got it?

No picture yourself leaving that idyllic circumstance and living in the Superdome during hurricane Katrina for the next 33 years. No running water, death surrounds you, murders, rapes, robberies occurring frequently, no real hope for the future, raw sewage floating around you, babies crying until they die of dehydration, no food, nothing….

For thirty-three years.

And that isn’t even close to what Jesus went through living in this sinful, evil world. I have a manger scene, it looks so cute, the shepherds with their sheep, the wisemen kneeling, and angel hovering, and Mary and Joseph sitting next to a wooden box with hay (probably dirty) in it, in which lays our Lord. Not such a beautiful scene, except for the fact that the salvation of the world was at hand. Our Lord left His glory and came to save us rotten, evil, degenerate, ungrateful sinners, who would later cancel church on the day we celebrate His birth.

I feel Christ’s love more easily at Christmas time, maybe because it is easier to remember that all the garbage I have to deal with on a daily basis, He dealt with worst, voluntarily, for me.

If everyone was perfect except for me, He still would have come and suffered, just for me. How wonderful! How awesome!

I actually cried as I wrote that, because His overwhelming love for a schmuck like me is almost too much to bear. I also thought about the ways that I repay that love, by turning my back on Him, by fighting against His will, by sinning, time and time and time again, yet for some reason, known only to Him, He stills loves me.

The true meaning of Christmas is that Christ expressed His unending love for us by living in our filth, by loving our wretched selves, by taking God’s wrath on Himself for us, by dying a criminal's death on a device of torture, by going to Hell for us. That beats any Xbox game under any tree.

Fritz

Heights of Hypocrisy

Some of the churches in the area aren’t going to be meeting for worship service in two weeks, the reason? It is Christmas! I wonder what exactly their bulletin states, how it is worded to remind the parishioners not to show up to church on that Sunday.

Reminders!

The Ladies Luncheon will be this Monday at 12:00

The Men’s Meeting will be Tuesday at 7:00 p.m.

The Celtic Kids will be gathering Thursday at 3:30 p.m.

In honor of our Lord’s birth, we will not be worshipping Him
on Christmas.

Is that how it looks? Is this the thinking of the pastor’s who will have to account for their flock before a Holy and Just God?

I would prefer the reminder to state:

In honor of our Lord’s birth, we will be spitting in His face and turning our backs on Him by not worshipping Him in the way He demands that we do. Merry Christmas!!

P.S. Since Easter will be on a Sunday this year, we will be canceling service that day as well so that families can celebrate Christ's resurrection by eating chocolate and eggs without having God's worship and praise for our salvation cut into the gluttony.

I saw a pastor on the local news stating that since Christmas is a family holiday his parishioners will be able to celebrate the Lord’s birth together as a family.

Hey, Moron! You hypocrite! We (the church) scream every year that Christmas is not about presents, it is not about Santa Claus, it is about Christ! How can you then cancel church and declare that family is the reason for Christmas? Haven’t you seen the signs that we love to display, crying out “Jesus is the Reason for the Season?”

At least, He is the reason until He interferes with our gift giving time. Why don’t we try a little critical thinking for a change? Why don’t we attempt to do what God wants us to do, rather than what is more convenient for you. Why don’t you remove you head from your err….. from the sand!

If Jesus truly is the reason for the season, then the gift giving times should be bumped or canceled in order to make room for worshipping Him! You have it all backwards, and thereby show the whole world what a massive hypocrite you are! By what you cancel you show what is truly important to you, by placing “gift time” over “God time” you show that the true reason of the season for you is to sit around a druidic symbol with an angel perched on top ripping open gifts while praying that there is a gift receipt enclosed.

On a positive note, I know one guy who is doing all the gift opening and dinners during the day on Christmas Eve, since he understands what should truly be rearranged, a local pastor is holding both morning and evening services because of the emergency personnel in his congregation who can’t make it to morning service, he is “sacrificing” his family time in order to make it easy for his flock to worship God on one of His 52 holiest days.

To the pastors who have spit in Christ’s face, I urge you to reconsider your foolishness and hypocrisy, remember that the Pharisees were the pastors of Israel when Jesus was born. They were called hypocrites and white washed tombs. They were told to flee from the wrath that is to come. They were called out time and again, and they failed time and again, then they ended up calling for the death of God’s Son.

Actions speak louder than words, you have decided to bow down to the altar of commercialism and greed, you bow down to the altar of secularism of atheism. You claim to love God with your mouths, but your hearts have turned away. One day you will have to answer to God why you canceled His worship, I fear that He will cancel your salvation.

Fritz

Sow a Thought

Sow a thought

Reap an action

Sow an action

Reap a habit

Sow a habit

Reap a destiny

---Drowning Machine by Tourniquet

*Yes, stop rubbing your eyes, there are indeed song lyrics here….*

I have been thinking about things that we watch, read, listen to, and say, even in jest. When we say things, like curse words, even in jest or in trying to make a point, I still think that we harden ourselves against saying crude things. When we listen to music that talks about how miserable life is, it can creep in to your mind that yes, in deed, this life is rather rotten.

I have cut down dramatically on the non-Christian music that I listen to, the main reason is that I spend so much time thinking about non-God issues (you all know what I mean by that, yes, yes, I know that God is involved in everything) that when I am listening to music it should point me towards God, towards what is good.

I used to work at the Humane Society and one of their big things they pushed was that animal abuse is very serious, most child abusers abused animals when they were younger, same goes for mass murderers. It does not happen over-night that you suddenly decide to beat you children to death and then go on a killing spree across the nation. Even with our hardened, despicable consciences we know to do such a thing is reprehensible.

We can agree on that, but then wonder why so many people in the church act the same way the world does. We steep ourselves in their culture, their music, we use their language and utter their curse words, then we wonder why we aren’t being lights to a dark world. Why we aren’t shining beacons for the lost? Why is Muslimism the fastest growing religion? Is it because it is so different from everything else?

Quick quote: “You notice that the most recent suicide bomber converted from Catholicism to the “religion of peace” BEFORE blowing herself up.”

If we want to be lights we can’t surround ourselves in darkness, if we want to draw the lost to us we need to be different. I remember a conversation in which the question of whether or not using crude and vulgar language was appropriate, I say no. I we talk like them, and listen to the same music as them, and watch the same movies as them, what is differentiating us from them? They won’t come to us because we drop “f-bombs” in sermons, they will not be in awe of our speaking abilities if we call Jesus “one bad mother----,” they won’t come crying for forgiveness if we call them pieces of (excrement), even if they are.

If we are to be different, we need to act it. Just as what comes out of us in influenced heavily by what we put in it, so our actions are influenced heavily by what we think about. Just as the song says, it starts out as a thought, before you know it you are mired in a destructive habit that now controls your destiny.

Fritz

Penn State and 49ers Update

Not too much to update here, Penn State won the Big Ten and will be playing in the Orange Bowl against Florida State. The two most winningest coaches in Division – 1 football ever facing each other. That will be pretty neat, especially when Penn State absolutely destroys Florida State.

JoePa Leads the Way to the Orange Bowl

As for the 49ers, they stink. They are awful, dreadful, terrible. They are as bad as the Packers, but without any expectations of being decent. They have been swept by the Arizona Cardinals, which is the worst franchise in NFL history. This week the 49ers play the division leading Seahawks who routed the Eagles on Monday Night Football last week 42 – 0. I really like the 49ers chances to lose, lose big in fact.

Fritz

The Joy of Socks

I wish I could wear socks to sleep. I wish I could get to slepp with the warming fabric wrapped around my freezing appendages. But I can’t, and so my feet freeze, and I do the foot-warming shuffle, placing one foot against my warm leg and then switching, attempting futilely to warm them up.

Wife #1 wears socks to bed, not just any socks, but thick warm socks that you could probably wear hunting in a marsh and you feet would stay warm, I envy that.

I just can’t do it, the feel of my feet against fabric rubbing on fabric is too much for me to handle, and so I suffer…..

Fritz

In Poor Taste?

As it turns out I will be the MC at this year’s Christmas party for where I work. When the news spread that I would be in front of the board, children, people with sensitive stomachs, I was deluged with reminders from people that I should watch what I said. Good advice I guess, but let me share a few jokes that didn’t make it into the final. You can tell me if they are in poor taste…..

One of the hardest things about growing up dirt poor and next to a funeral home was that no one wanted to visit. When no one came over to visit we didn’t get any “pity gifts” that we so readily accepted. The main problem from this was that we had no sleds, no toboggans, no way to slide down the hill except on our scrawny butts wearing jeans that were so worn we would get hypothermia in about 30 seconds.

So our solution was to raid the funeral home at night and grab a few bodies after rigor mortis had set it. If we tried really hard we could shape them a bit, making a seat for your sister out of a dead man’s arms is truly one of life’s unknown joys.

Now was that so bad? Maybe it was funnier in my head, and in person the presentation is much better… Let’s move on.

I’m not sure if you all heard about the crematory in Georgia that got busted for not actually torching the remains of their clients. They would instead dump the bodies in the lake out back and give the grieving relatives an urn filled with dust bunnies or what not. Anyway there was a big hubbub about this, and the place was shut down and the bodies were pulled out of the water….and then burned. I have tried igniting wet wood at times when camping and it is pretty rough, I can only imagine that a wet, dead person isn’t exactly going to flare up too fast.

Anyway, I got to thinking that instead of dredging up the bodies that were so ingloriously laid to rest in a lake, it could instead be used as a parenting tool. Imagine the possibilities when a little boy asks his mother why there are so many dead people at the bottom of the swimming hole.

“Mommy, why are there decaying bodies on the bottom of the lake?”

“Well, Timmy, those are the remains of those who didn’t wait an hour after eating before swimming!”

Now that is funny….

Fritz

Cutest kids ever?

Ok, not a serious post yet, but my father sent me a picture he took of the children related to me who live in Erie still.

From left to right: Fat Fatty, Stinker, The Lilinator

Just a quick note, Fat Fatty's own mother came up with that nickname, not me :)

The Lilinator looks just like her mother (Sister #2) did when she was that age, and Stinker is a spittin' image of Sister #1 with lighter skin and hair. Fat Fatty now has more hair than I do...keep growing it young man! Treasure it!!!

They have to have the best smiles in that picture.

Penn State and 49ers Update

I know you all breathlessly wait each week for my Penn State and 49er karma update, so here is one for the past few weeks.

The 49ers, in an ugly game, defeated the 5-1 Buccaneer's on October 30th, the day before Penn State beat Purdue 33 - 15 in a very sloppy game. I'm glad that Penn State was able to overcome the football gods' wrath over the future 49er win, but JoePa was able to fend them off.The unlikely hero of the 49ers second victory

The amazing thing about the 49ers victory is that the quarterback who finished the game had been the fourth-string backup a few eeeks ago. Cody Picket is in his second year and is known more for his being a rodeo rider than an outstanding quarterback.

Michael Robinson is the Big Ten MVP

I have never been so impressed with a Penn State player as I have been with Michael Robinson, he waited his turn, even though he clearly wanted to play, but he listened to his coach and worked hard at whatever his was asked to do. Now he is displaying his athletic talents and, more importantly, his leadership and confidence. There have been several games this year that it would have been easy to give up, but he led the Lions to victory (or, in the Michigan game, what should have been a victory...dirt cheaters). I don't see any way that the voters could NOT make Michael Robinson the Big Ten MVP.

Larry Johnson was the last PSU player to give us hope before Michael Robinson showed up

In other Penn State news, Larry Johnson, who ran for 2,000 yards for Penn State a few years back, is now the undisputed starter in Kansas City, at least for the next week, and due to reports I have heard about Priest Holmes being forced to retire, LJ could be the started the rest of the year. Many people wrote him off, especially after Dick Vermeil called him a baby to the media. But for some people a good kick in the butt is what is needed to get going, and Larry has never looked back. Good job Coach Vermeil!

Coming up next:

An honest to goodness serious post.........might even have some song lyrics!!

I've Been Busy

Just so you all know, I have not forsaken this precious blog. I have been so busy the last four weeks that I haven’t had time to think, let alone write. Fritz will be unleashed again soon, but he has been doing my sleeping for me.

Verified!

Just a reminder that regardless of wins and losses, Joe Paterno is still the greatest college coach at this time.

Excerpt from this week's Tuesday Morning Quarterback column:


"Tuesday Morning Quarterback has presented so many examples of bad sportsmanship in college, it is refreshing to offer an example of good sportsmanship. Leading 56-3 at halftime against Illinois, Penn State did not attempt a forward pass in the second half. Taking possession on the Illinois 17 with 2:19 remaining and a 63-10 lead, the Nittany Lions knelt on the ball four times to end the game. The whole second half for Penn State was Class with a capital "C". At many colleges that routinely run up the score, such as Texas Tech, they don't know much about class -- but then, nobody on the football team goes to class."

Weekend of Karma

Don’t tell me not to be superstitious, don’t try to dissuade me from believing in Kosmic Karma, don’t try to persuade me that the football gods don’t sit on high and chortle at our feeble efforts to appease them.

Just as I said Penn State lost to Michigan, since the 49ers weren’t playing, there was no sports team to take the wrath of Jeeves (the football god of losing). Penn State tried their best, but it sure is hard to beat a quality team AND the football gods at the same time.

This past week though was another matter, Jeeves had his whipping boys back (San Fran) so Penn State should be safe, right?

Penn State - 63
Illinois - 10

They certainly were. Don’t let the score deceive you, JoePa leashed the dogs very quickly, benching his starters before the end of the 1st half, and didn’t throw a pass the rest of the game. The only Penn State players who caught passes and scored touchdowns in the second half were playing for the defense.

53 point win…..this does not bode well for the 49ers.



Washington – 52
San Francisco – 17


DOH!

Oh well, at least things have returned to normal.

Why I'm Superstitious

Many people scoff, some people shake their heads sadly, but no one can shake my incredible superstitious nature regarding sports. Why did the 49ers lose to Dallas a few weeks ago? Were they just overmatched? No, it was because Wife #1 was making fun of the 49ers’ quarterback’s last name. Rattay.

“Rattatay! Rattatay!” She chanted, just before he threw a pick in the 4th quarter that led to the winning points.

“Rattatay! Rattatay!” She continued to mock later, just before Rattay threw an interception that sealed the loss.Was the loss Rattay's fault? No! Wife #1 is to blame!

Against the Cardinals there was just too much bad mojo going against them. Penn State had pounded Minnesota, which was ranked #18 in the country at that time. This victory would vault PSU into the top 20 for certain. There was no way the football gods would give me two good wins during one weekend, so San Francisco would have to suffer.

A PSU Victory - The True Reason the 49ers Lost

This past week the 49ers were going up against the undefeated Colts, the 49ers were also starting the first pick overall in the draft – Alex Smith. Normally I would have held out hope still, since crazier things have happened, but not that afternoon. The night before I watched as Penn State, now ranked #16, defeated Ohio State, who was ranked #6. PSU stayed unbeaten, making their record 6 – 0, the beat down of Ohio State ensured a top ten ranking this week. (They are ranked #8 this week.)

San Francisco had no hope, I could have told the 60,000+ fans at Candlestick to stay home, there was no hope.

So San Francisco is 1 – 4, they lost four defensive backs to injuries, including two starters and their nickleback, they are starting a rookie quarterback, and their defense is on the field too long, they have a good chance of losing all the rest of their games. I promise I will try my hardest to watch all their games too.

But who cares? Penn State is 6 – 0!!! Until they lose at Michigan….49ers have a bye this week….not good.

Watching Losers Lose

I read an article about a guy at a Cubs' game back when the Cubs were still the lovable losers. He wrote that he heard someone chatting on his cellphone. Apparently he was asked by the person on the other end what he was doing. His response?

"Watching these (Bleeping) losers lose!"

That has always stuck in my mind, I had never followed a team that was so pathetically inept that their fans had grown accustomed to them losing constantly....until now.

In the first quarter of the game against Arizona, the 49ers defense scored two touchdowns. Let me reiterate, the DEFENSE put up 14 points. The offense didn't score all game, in fact, they ran one play on the opponent's side of the field, it ended in a fumble.

The Cardinals, inept themselves, could only really manage field goals at first, then a touchdown, then more field goals, then a final touchdown, making the final score 31-14. Two touchdowns, one failed PAT, and six field goals. They were on the field at least for 40 of the total 60 minutes. Not a recipe for success.

Alex Smith to the Rescue?

But I will continue to watch the losers lose. Fortunately Coach Nolan has brought interest to the season again by starting Alex Smith. This is saying that it is over for the 2005 49ers playoff hopes, but they weren't burning all that brightly at the moment anyway.

At least when the losers lose in the future, Alex Smith will be learning from it, and maybe next year we can try out this whole winning games thing for a change.

Iowa Death Trip

Yesterday Wife #1 and I went to Iowa to go to a pain clinic there to see if they had any bright ideas on what to do to help her back.  I left without much hope and I was proven correct.  What made things worse was that the doctor was a complete jerk.

I hate doctors who have god complexes.  I want to remind them that Christ rose again so in fact no one had really died and made them god.

This guy had a Napoleon complex as well, he was short and German, Wife #1 was looking for the swastika in his office somewhere and was scared that he had seen our last name and guessed our heritage.

Is it really too much for me to wish that he would choke on his mustache?  Or better yet, after he gets denied a ride on a roller coaster, since he needs to be over 4’ 10” to ride it, I think it would be great if he threw such a hissy fit that security would be forced to taser him to death.

I really need to try to be more forgiving of people, at times I remember that Christ forgave His enemies while they tortured and murdered Him.

I generally wouldn’t have that attitude, heck, I hope that after some dope cuts me off that his car will explode in a flaming fireball of death.  Or at least have a wheel fall off so he rolls about fifteen times.

Yeah, I think forgiveness is a weakness in your character…

What would be really cool is if the doctor would survive his tasering only to cut me off…..

Gotta work on forgiveness.

Precious Death

I went to a funeral for a friend’s mother a few days ago.  She was 57 when she died, so it brought back some memories of the last time I attended a funeral for someone who had died at a young age, my mother.

My uncle had recently lost his mother in July of 2003 and my mother, who was a very caring person….

Too bad it didn’t rub off on you…

….had written a note to him, intending to send it, but had most likely forgotten to mail it for several days, she had a poor memory…

Which DID rub off on you…

When the note was found, it was given to my uncle and after he read it he passed it around for everyone to read.  Some people do not believe that there is a plan, that God hasn’t decided what things will happen at what time.  Bah!

There is only one line I really remember from the note:  “…it is never a good time to lose a parent…”

What are the chances of such a great coincidence that Mom would write this note, then forget to mail it for several days, just so that we could find it on the day of her funeral?  It was lying near the container of Sting-Off that she had put on the bee stings before she started feeling faint.  The memory of that little bottle always brings tears to my eyes.  It summarizes perfectly what happened, it is a small, yellow bottle that is sold in many stores filled with an ointment that you put on insect bites and bee stings.  It costs five dollars.  It is meant to treat minor injuries, and that is what it should have been, a minor injury, but it turned into something completely different.  It still amazes people when I tell them that my mother died from a bee sting.  There must be a plan.

“…it is never a good time to lose a parent…..”

The woman that died recently didn’t die from a bee sting, she suffered greatly from a variety of ailments.  Her pastor spoke of one time when he visited her, she couldn’t wait until her sister had left the room so that she could ask him to do her funeral service.  He said that he tried to dodge the question a little, but she told him “the end is coming soon.”

He had been friends with her for many years and I could see that he had not wanted to admit to himself the truth.  We can talk about how we believe in Heaven, that there is glory for believers after death, but the first time you lose someone close to yourself, someone you had known for years, you are confronted with the choice of whether or not you TRULY believe.
At the funeral for Grandpa #3, his pastor said that Heaven is not truly important until you know someone there.  How true.

Her pastor asked her several times over the course of his visits with her, “Are you scared?”

The end was coming, she would slip from her toils on this earth, this land of pain and sadness, and depart to a place where no more would she feel pain, sorrow, anger, or hatred, only love, happiness, and joy.  She would be with her Savior, but was she scared of the journey?

“No,” she always replied.  

Death where is your sting?

“Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints.”

---Psalm 116:15

There is still sorrow, there is still the void left by the departure of your mother that can’t really be filled.  You have to go through the rest of this life without being able to talk to her again, without hugging her again, without seeing her again, and it is really hard.

A lady spoke at the funeral, the woman’s aunt, and she told everyone that there was only one way to see her again, that there was one path to be rejoined with your departed friend, and that was through Christ.  I liked that.  I’m certain there were people in darkness at the funeral and hearing the Gospel one more time is always a good thing.  Or it could condemn them all the more, but it must be heard.

One day we will all be together again, one day we will all be able to talk to each other about nothing like we used to.  The last thing I talked to my mother about was Biofreeze.  I used to rub Biofreeze on Wife #1’s back and it would help somewhat and I had run out.  At that time it was mostly just sold on the at chiropractor’s offices and they didn’t like selling it to non-patients.  Mom offered to run to her chiropractor and get some more, but we found it online for a better deal so it wasn’t necessary.  I’m not sure if I told her that I loved her to end the call, I think I did.  I know I did the last time I saw her, which was in New Jersey less than a week before, we were all heading back home after attending my aunt’s wedding.

Two things I will never forget, the last time we talked was about Biofreeze and the last time I saw her was in New Jersey.  There has to be a grand plan to things.

College more important than $10,000,000.00?

Just a quick post for all you non-traditional education people who feel dumped on by people screaming that you need to go to college. One of the main arguments for college has been that you will make more money with a college degree than without one, unless you major in something stupid like geography, English, or elementary education.

A writer for the Washington Post, Sally Jenkins, is screaming now about Michelle Wie. Michelle Wie is a sixteen year old golfing phenom who turned pro yesterday. She promised that she would finish high school...

Ummm, I really don't think that is too much to ask

....and she said that she would go to college.

Why?

Sally Jenkins is screaming that Wie is somehow ruining her life by turning pro, knowing full well that she will not be going to college. Why go to college? If Wie had turned pro before last year she would have earned $700,000.00 in winnings. Hard to make that much as a seventh grade teacher.

It is estimated that she will make ten MILLION dollars (that is SEVEN zeros to the left of the decimal point) in endorsements this next year. So apparently she should miss out on that in order to be able to join a sorority and partake in binge drinking parties.

I am very in favor of going to college, I think most people should go to college, I have met far too many single women working at a minimum wage job since their husbands died and they have to support their family. BUT saying that Michelle Wie should go to college is foolishness, in fact it is the height of stupidity.

Some people try to scream racism because people like myself want basketball players to go to college before turning pro. The reason for that is pure selfishness on my part, players straight from high school most often suck. The quality of play in the NBA has steadily decreased as the average age of NBA players has decreased.

Michelle Wie only gets paid for doing well, that is how golf works, same with tennis. If she is able to make money by playing golf well, more power to her, I only wish I was that good.

Can Anything Good Come from ABC?

“When people at church ask me how I can have cable with kids in the house, I tell them not to worry since I make sure to block the networks.”

---Rob Stewart

It is a rare event for me to actually watch a TV show.  Rarer still for me to be hooked by one.  There have only been two shows in recent memory that have caused me to look forward to watching the next installment, Firefly and 24.

Lost has been added to that short list.  As of this moment you can get the DVDs of the first season from Blockbuster (or Netflix) and watch the whole season.  There are few things in life I will guarantee, but I will mostly guarantee that you will like this show.  Unless you are a hopeless “ninja-weenie” or think that any show that doesn’t have Chuck Norris in it is a waste of time.

Rating:  Perfect 5 out of 5!

How apropoe...apropoh...apru......How appropriate!

Seeing as where I work, I found this quite amusing. Health insurance will be the doom of us all!!!

Agony of Defeat

There was a famous sportscaster who called games locally for a college team. I think it was the Iowa Hawkeyes, but I could be wrong. After a particularly devastating loss he was heard saying that he envied the national broadcast crews since they weren't so close to the team and didn't feel the sting of close losses.

So why did he keep doing it? Why do schmucks like myself continue to follow teams, why do I care whether or not the 49ers win or lose? As Wife #1 likes to say, and too often during bad losses it seems, the outcome of the game doesn't affect me one way or the other. The fact that I care doesn't make a difference.

The same sportscaster after an amazing comeback win declared how he pitied the national crews since they weren't close to the team and therefore couldn't feel the exultation of victory.

This is what brings me back. TV shows can't touch the sheer drama depicted every week on the football field, most movies fall short in trying to get you to care deeply about a group of guys and their leader. There is something special about the game of football, more than any other sports it brings about the glory of victory and the agony of defeat.

This leads to the Niners blowing a second half lead and losing to the Dallas Cowboys. Why didn it have to be Dallas? Any other team besides Dallas would have been better. I hate the Cowboys.

The Agony of Defeat

Dallas wins the game by a field goal and a game that the 49ers had no business winnning slipped away from them.

Their record is 1 - 2. But they are so much more than that. They have shown that they have a chance to win any game (at home). They have shown that there is a reason to hope that they can pull off the occasional upset, that they are getting better, and that Coach Nolan was the right guy for the job.

Side note about Coach Nolan. His father was an assistant coach for Tom Landry and therefore wore a coat and tie on the sidelines when he became a head coach himself. When Mike Nolan became coach of the 49ers he wanted to wear a suit and tie on the sidelines as well, but since the NFL has a deal with Reebok that says that the coaches have to wear Reebok gear he wasn't allowed since there are no Reebok brand suits.

Reebok then came to Coach Nolan and with his helped started design on a Reebok brand suit and tie, just for him. They are hoping to have it ready for next year. Bringing a little class back to the sidelines can never be a bad thing.

Next game has the 49ers traveling to Mexico City to play the Arizona Cardinals in the first regular season game played outside the US. A primetime game (7:30 CST) on Sunday night. Against the Cardinals. I'm feeling that feeling again. I'm hearing the voice. The voice that whispers that this is a winnable game, the feeling of hope that makes me think that there is a real chance of evening the record, getting back to .500. That there still is a chance of winning the lousy NFC West and making the playoffs.

Please don't let me down.

The CPA - Part IV - Leaving

“In Stockholm syndrome, there is a sudden, terrifying capture. The hostage is stunned, shocked and often certain that he or she will die. The hostage then becomes like an infant. He or she can't talk, eat, move or use a toilet without permission. But then, in every one of these cases, little by little, small acts of kindness by one of the captors evoke feelings deeper than relief. "We knew they were killers, but they gave us blankets, cigarettes," one Dutch ex-hostage told me, going on to explain the warmth and compassion he felt toward the men who chose not to kill him. It would be akin to what an infant feels when he gets attention, relieving his thirst, hunger, wetness or fear of neglect - a primitive gratitude for the gift of life, an emotion that eventually develops and differentiates into varieties of affection and love.”

---Frank Ochberg, MD, writing for the Los Angeles Times

“Relationships can develop in hostage situations whereby victims fall for their captors due to a condition called the Stockholm Syndrome with some continuing their relationship even though the victims' lives are no longer at risk.”

---By Gael Branchereau

By the time 2004 had finally arrived the CPA had been diagnosed with sleep apnea, a condition that causes a person to stop breathing while sleeping. This leads most often to the person waking up, although it has occasionally been fatal. When a person wakes up many times throughout the night they don’t get the deep sleep that is necessary to truly refresh oneself.
The CPA was given a mask that helped him to breathe when he slept. This allowed him to get a full night’s sleep and it had the added affect of making him not as irritable as he usually was. Although he still had a bad temper it did not flare up as often. Of course after a while of having someone screaming at you, there is a tendency to get used to it and not notice it so much.
One example of this was when we were working on correcting the books of a small business that had been the victim of embezzlement. What irritated me most about this wasn’t merely the fact that the bookkeeper had been stealing money from the company and covering it up, but the fact that she had been doing such a poor job at doing her actual job that she got paid to do. I consider that tantamount to stealing, and since she was already stealing money, why not at least do your doggone job right?
Anyway, the CPA said that we should do something a certain way and I said that it was not the right way.

I had certainly learned to be confident. Everyone will be wrong from time to time, the important thing is to at least have a good reason why you are wrong, look confident while you screw up!

Anyway, I knew that if we did this certain entry the way that the CPA wanted to, it would cause problems later for us, so I was determined to stand firm.

As he got angrier at me for disagreeing with me, I told him what was going to occur:

“You will get mad, yell at me for an hour about this, then realize that I was right all along, so we might as well do this the right way and not waste that time.”

This didn’t make him happy of course, so he then proceeded to yell at me for an hour, while I stood my ground, explaining why I was right on this subject. Finally he saw that I was right, I am not kidding either that it was an hour. Of course I had to remind him of the fact that things had gone exactly how I had predicted, he mumbled something about just making me happy and blah blah blah. But we both knew that I was right.

Anyway, after we discovered that I would make more money working less hours for him and getting more from unemployment, he offered to cut my hours, which meant that he would have to do more legwork and data entry stuff.

Of course this meant that I was working 8 hours a week, and unemployment payments were not really all that much. I had to find a new job. I went to interviews and was rejected time after time after time. Fun times those were.

A nice guy felt pity for me and offered me an interview at a non-profit organization in Illinois. I know you all have heard this story before, but what you may not have known is that I told the CPA that I was going to go to Illinois for a job interview. I kept no secrets from him because by this point I knew that he actually wanted me to succeed. I wasn’t just an employee who only existed during the hours that I was there, but I was a person with bills to pay and a family to care for.

When I accepted the position in Illinois I found that I was actually going to miss the grouchy, mean, old man who had taught me more about accounting than I had thought possible. I actually miss him at times. Mostly when I screw up and I realize that I haven’t been “paying attention!!!!!” like I should.

The whole hostage – kidnapper relationship wasn’t really what we had…. at least I don’t think that was our relationship.

Pwnage!

I hate to admit this to all my admiring fans, but I am a fantasy geek. Not only that, but I am a GOOD fantasy geek! And since this is my blog you all get to hear about my football fantasy team at times! I will not be giving it a post all by itself, but I will try to mix it in there how I'm doing. That would be 3-0 and I just crushed my biggest competitor so far. Makes me happy.

If I were superstitious I would have read somthing into the 49ers blowing a 12 point lead while the Penn State Nittany Lions overcame a 13 point deficit and won! Coincidence? Hmmmm...

Next up!

"You don't know me, but I used to live in you dead mother."

A review of Tim Burton's Corpse Bride.

Niners Week Two

Opponent: Eagles
Favorite: Eagles



I got home from church at 12:30 CST. Wife #1 and I had been sworn in and we had to stay a little afterwards to learn the secret handshake.

I turned on the TV and discovered that the 49ers were already down 14-0. That was the closest that I saw the score. The final was 42-3. But what a nice looking field goal it was!

A bad day for Caoch Nolan

Well, I expected them to lose, I hoped for something better, but being realistically overly hopeful the best the Niners can really do is win 5 or 6 games this year. The three home games against their division rivals who all stink, Rams, Seahawks and Cardinals, and maybe beat the Texans at home, and hope for two upsets somewhere along the road.

I suspect they will end with 4 wins, and I won’t be surprised if they only get 3, and I fully expect them to lose every single other game they play this year.

Fritz

Niners Week One

Opponent: St. Louis Rams
Favorite: St. Louis Rams


As I sat through an awful 1st quarter filled with a turnover, offensive ineptitude, and an opposing rusher averaging 5 yards a carry I thought that things were going about how I expected them to. The pathetic losers were going to lose once again, and in spectacularly bad fashion too it appeared.

But somehow the Niners defense kept the Rams out of the endzone on two consecutive time consuming drives, making the score merely 0 – 6.

The defining play occurred when the score was 0 – 3. The Rams were on the 11 yard line, preparing to score a touchdown it appeared, preparing to start pulling away so it seemed.

Marc Bulger threw a perfect pass to Kevin Curtis in the endzone, but Tony Parrish hit him just as he caught the ball, jarring the ball loose and forcing the Rams to kick another field goal.

The 49ers then marched down the field, using several trick plays. Capped by a beautiful 35-yard touchdown toss to Brandon Lloyd from Tim Rattay. The ball flew past the outstretched hands of two defenders and fell gently into the hands of Lloyd. The extra point was good and the 49ers took the lead 7 – 6!

The 49ers defense then forced a three and out and the Rams had to punt the ball. Otis Amey, a rookie, received the punt and raced 75 yards to paydirt! Scoring a touchdown the first time you touch the ball in your pro career seems a pretty nice way to begin.

Otis Amey waves goodbye to the Rams on his punt return

Score 14 – 6.

The 49ers then attempted an onsides kick and recovered. While they weren’t able to advance the ball into field goal range the punt pinned the Rams back and they were clearly off balance and made no headway against the 49ers suddenly stout defense and were forced to punt again from deep in their own territory.

The offense of the 49ers now had a short field to work with and they capitalized. Marching down the field and ending with a great 6-yard touchdown catch by Arnaz Battle. He caught the ball in the endzone and took a wicked shot from the Rams safety, but unlike Kevin Curtis, he held on to the ball. The 49ers had just scored 21 unanswered points and led their biggest rival 21 - 6. The Rams would score another field goal before halftime to make the score 21 – 9 as the 49ers walked off the field to a standing ovation from their faithful fans. If Wife #1 hadn’t been there I might have been applauding as well.

I knew the score wouldn’t hold up though. The 49ers just weren’t good enough to actually win this game…were they? I didn’t want to hope, I would not believe that they could actually win this game until triple zeros showed on the clock.

The first drive of the second half was a thing of beauty with Kevan Barlow capping it off with a 9-yard touchdown run. 28 – 9.

Then the Rams came alive, as I knew they would. Another field goal made the score 28 – 12, merely a two score game.

The 49ers offense suddenly became unable to move the ball, the defense was on the field constantly, a Rams touchdown and failed two point conversion made the score 28 – 18. I felt a little hope, they still needed two scores and the game had reached the fourth quarter. The Rams scored again, another touchdown, the game tightened, the score was 28 – 25. The 49ers inability to run the ball gave the Rams the ball on the 49ers 33 with one minute left in the game, field goal will tie, a touchdown will win it. I awaited another loss.

Marc Bulger’s 56th pass of the day bounced off of Isaac Bruce and was taken away by Mike Adams and the game was won.

I sat down shocked and elated. The 49ers had won. The pathetic 2 – 14 team of 2004 was gone, replaced by a 2005 team of hope.

Now I fully expect them to lose every single other game this year, but for one glorious week my team is at the top of the division, is undefeated, and had beaten the hated Rams. I love this time of year.

Fritz

Ten... Five...TOUCHDOWN

All is right with the world again. Football is back. To make things better the 49ers are undefeated and on top of their division! Of course this is after merely one game, but I don’t care.

I’m sure some people just won’t understand, but everything is better when the NFL season is going on. My Sundays are more restful, I go to bed earlier, am more rested, do a better job at work, and I get pay increases!

*That last hasn’t exactly happened this NFL season though*

Eh, it is merely week one as I already explained, give it time! At least until the bye week.

There will be a weekly 49ers update during the season, and yes, I know that any dope can head over to NFL.com but you won’t get my unique perspective! Which I know is what brings all you thousands of people back week after week!


Fritz

Inspired by Actual Events

In January 1945 a mixed force of American Rangers and Filipino resistance fighters, totaling 200, rescued 502 American, Canadian, and British POWs from certain death at the hands of the Japanese. Fighting a much superior force, numbers wise, they killed over 500 Japanese soldiers while only suffering 2 casualties. This is without a doubt the greatest rescue mission performed by American soldiers.

This story is told in the movie “The Great Raid.” All the director had to do was tell the story, but in true Hollywood fashion he attempted to make it bigger and better and ultimately ended ruining the story. He added people who didn’t exist, made up a love story, and made one of the Japanese into some superhuman freak who knows how to use a mortar, a heavy machine gun, and brawl in a knife fight. Umm…sure.

While I always hate it when gun dopes point out that a real person can’t fire two M-60s at the same time while running down a street, the weaponry for this true story was incredibly false. One shot from a bazooka to the front of a tank causes it to explode into flames, grenades cause huge explosions, and our heroic soldiers pause in the middle of the open to survey their handiwork while getting shot at. And to think that Captain Dye was part of this movie! They must have ignored all his advice, either that or he sold out completely in order to advance his “acting career.”

It was obvious to me that the director and writers must have been "inspired by actual good movies" but they failed to make one of their own.

I was really looking forward to seeing this movie, but all I can give it is 2.5 / 5.


Fritz

Word Verification

I really didn't want to have to do this, but I was forced by spammers to turn on word verification. I will still allow anonymous posting because I understand that not all people want to create an account just to comment on a blog and I want to hear everyone's comments.

If there are any problems with the word verification, just let me know. If it causes too much hassle I will turn it back off and just delete the spam comments.

Fritz

Basketball?

On Monday I played basketball with a group of guys from work and other people that they knew.  For those of you who don’t know, I grew up playing basketball at the court behind my house.  My friends and I were addicted, we would clear the snow off of the court with shovels and play Horse or Around the World in winter coats, gloves, scarves and what not.

When I was asked by a co-worker if I would play, I said no immediately, since I just can’t stand the guy.

*Ummm, you do know that he reads this, right?*

Yeah, I know, but since I don’t like him anyway, what difference does it make?

Sorry for the interruption everyone.  I hate that dope who is always trying to make me watch what I say.

But anyway, I figured out that it had been about three years since I had played a game of basketball.  So while I knew my shot would be non-existent I thought it would be a good time.

As with every other group that gets together to play basketball, there were three types of people who showed up:

The guys who are there to have fun, fortunately this was the majority of the people who were there.

The guys who take it far too seriously.

The guy who thinks he is Michael Jordan, but, in reality, he sucks.  Generally there is only one of these a group, but one time I recall playing with two of these guys, what fun!  The worst part about these people is that they are generally athletic, fit, and could be good, but since they insist on jacking up shot after shot, mostly three-pointers, they hurt the team more than they help.  They also almost never play defense, except to tell people to “body up!”  while he stands on the wing about five yards from the guy he is supposed to be defending, and never attempts to get a rebound.

Anyway, it was a good time for me.  And that is all that matters, right?


Fritz

Required Reading

I have actually had a busy weekend, in a good way. And since my life interests me, I am assuming it interests you as well so I will tell you all about it! Later.


First, some required reading regarding Hurricane Katrina and the aftermath. Let me first make it clear that I feel for many of the people affected by this "Act of God," but the timing and the location of the hardest hit place cannot be mere coincidence.



"If you depend on the government for anything, you will be disappointed and let down."

---Bill O'Reilly

'It's Every Man for Himself'

That’s the big, bold headline on the front page of our local newspaper this morning. Inside the story is a quote from a woman who sought help from a police officer to get water for her dehydrated son.

The officer replied, “I’m outta here. You ought to get out, too. It’s every man for himself now.”

Far cry from the Birkenhead and the Titanic. Far cry from “women and children first.” Thank you, benevolent humanism, for 150 years of evolutionary teaching in our government schools. Thank you, feminism, for 150 years of training men to treat women like animals. Thank you, nanny state, for teaching all of us that no one need take responsibility as long as there is someone higher up the chain to blame.

Thank you, Lord, for reminding us that we are fools to fear terrorist attacks when there is One far greater than any terrorist Who sits on the throne of Heaven and directs the affairs of men. May we fear Him more than we fear men.

-- Jennie Chancey, Ladies Against Feminism 09-02-05

Southern Decadence


Looting and the Liberal Elite


An Unnatural Disaster

True Colors

Cleansing?


I promise to get back to being innane and pointless soon.

Peace out.

Fritz

Gratuitous Furity – Redux

Well, some people came over to look at the house, our landlord has finally gotten fed up with us and is attempting to kick us out. Maybe the true story is slightly different, but not as juicy.


Only Morgan, the littlest one, was actually brave enough to come out and greet the strangers in our home. Of course there was a baby present, and thanks to Sister #3, I now have a fear of “baby goo” to go along with my baby drool phobia.

The sleeping habits of our little family have changed, mostly since Morgan has decided that our pillows make a great bed for her, so she will mostly sleep by Wife #1’s head, but sometimes force me to use less of the pillow than I generally like.

On Saturday we cleaned and cleaned the house. It had been in a disheveled state, but someone was stopping by to look at the house, and since we live in fear of our abusive landlord we try to keep him happy. This meant scouring the floors, making sure that there wasn’t a hidden furball somewhere that we had missed. The amount of furballs that the cats generate is only amazing until you see how much fur they have.




This is just THREE of them! One nice thing about this picture though, it shows the “big brother” role that Arthur has taken on. He is always cleaning the other three cats and making sure that they are ok. Merlin one time got stepped on and let out a pitiful yowl. Arthur came charging over to make sure that nothing life threatening had occurred.

Of course Arthur can be a little selfish. If Wife #1 gets up during the night and he notices, he will immediately steal her place in bed.


Percy doesn’t sleep on the bed as much anymore. We have a chair in the bedroom that we are really trying to keep clear of clothes, and he likes to sleep there. He is still close to us, but still has his own space, which he cherishes.



Merlin now has his own “bed” on the big bed. I slide my pillow over about eight inches and he sleeps there for a bit, or sometimes just sits there and exults in the attention that he gets.




Recap:

Merlin sleeps by my pillow, Arthur will curl up between Wife #1 and myself, Morgan makes a bed for herself on our pillows, and Percy is always lurking, waiting to join us at a moments notice.

It is certainly a good thing that we got a king size bed.

Peace out.


After talking about how great Blogger for Word is, I have just discovered that it will not upload pictures by itself. What a piece of crap. I hereby withdraw my recommendation for it, even though doing so will cost me millions in endorsement money.

Fritz

The CPA – Part III – First Impressions

First impressions are so funny, we put so much weight on first impressions, but what do they really show? Wife #1 thought that her boss was a very nice lady from her first impression of her, of course Wife #1 ended up getting fired by her so that a friend of the CEO could get hired, making the boss look good in the CEO’s eyes.

I might have remarked that I hated the CPA, how is that for a first impression. Now it wasn’t a true first impression, but that is what I thought of him after a short period of time of working with him.

I can’t think of someone else of whom my opinion changed so dramatically in such a short period of time. Of course things were going better at work. I think of boot camp and how the would-be soldiers get treated like garbage, yelled out on a routine basis, and told what scum they are for the slightest error. While this isn’t the nicest treatment it does not allow room for laxness. It makes the soldiers realize that perfection can be attained, that a mistake is not just a part of life and that errors are a big deal, no matter how small they might appear.

Before I worked for the CPA I thought that I made few mistakes, after four months with him I KNEW I didn’t make mistakes. I’m not suggesting this as a management style, but I learned very well how to double-check my work, fear of being screamed at is a pretty good motivator. I learned how to think for myself, how to resolve issues myself, and how to deduce things from the information laid in front of me, rather than just guessing.

One of the best things is to be able to say, with full assurance, that the error on the tax form was not your error, but the client’s, and having your boss believe you. Of course the evidence will prove you right, but that fact that you were not worried that you were at fault because you KNOW that you would not have made that mistake is a great thing.

Not to say that I don’t make mistakes though. I remember one time after the CPA was angry due to an error I had made that I asked him who yelled at him when he made a mistake.

“Myself!” He said. I didn’t believe him then, but now when I make errors and I know that there is no one who will scream at me I do a pretty good job of it myself too.

All this is to say that the yelling had died down and the CPA was overall pleased with the work that I did by the time July 2003 rolled around.

Most of his non-tax time clients were small Greek restaurants for whom we did the sales tax and payroll tax forms for. They were always last minute since the restaurants would get us the information on the 19th or 20th. The forms had to be postmarked by the 20th to avoid being late, unless the 20th was on the weekend then they had to be postmarked on the Monday after. So I generally drove around Erie gathering the sales information on the 19th and 20th, or later if the 20th was on the weekend, and then dropped off the forms later in the day. The restaurant owners never seemed to be able to get the information to us sooner, and we were always pretty sure that the numbers we were given were made up, but that wasn’t our responsibility.

On July 19th 2003 my mother died. The 19th was a Saturday, the 20th was on a Sunday and sales tax forms were due on the 21st. Of course the restaurant owners didn’t have their sales tax forms done because they were waiting for the last second as always. The CPA was out of the office on the 21st visiting an out of town client. I called the office, his house, and his fiancé’s home, but didn’t catch him before he left.

I called Dan the Man from Downstairs (the CPA’s cousin who rented the downstairs part of the office). For some reason that day he had read the obituaries, even though he rarely did. I told him if John called to tell him that I wasn’t coming in. I knew sales tax was due, but I really didn’t care. I had no sympathy for people who waited till the last second every month and left no time to spare if something went wrong, but I wanted the CPA to know why I wasn’t there.

He called me later, told me that I was right to stay home and that I wasn’t to come in for the rest of the week. He even asked when the funeral was so that he could attend. He genuinely cared about me. I wasn’t just an “asset” as some companies think of their employees, but a person who had just lost his mother.

When I spoke at the funeral I broke down crying. I am not one to show emotions in public, but I knew that it was ok. If I didn’t show my grief at that point, if I didn’t let it out, I knew it would fester and who knew what would happen. The church was packed with people, people were standing in the back since all of the pews were filled, people were standing on the stairs heading into the basement since the entrance was filled with people, but I saw the CPA there. I didn’t get a chance to talk to him, but I called him later at home and left him a message letting him know how much it meant to me that he had been there.

The day I returned to work he told me that it had been good that I had let out my grief. It had taken him eleven years before he finally had cried about his father dying. Some of his clients were mad that no one had done their sales tax, but the CPA didn’t care. The thought that I should have come in to work on that Monday never crossed his mind. He didn’t regard that as a lack of responsibility. There are things that are more important than work, even when the life of his small accounting firm is at stake.

When Carrie’s back grew worse, he never complained about me leaving early to take care of her, in fact he told me it was the right thing to do. Deep beneath that gruff exterior, there was actually a good man inside. Very deep, very, very, very deep.

Sidenote: This post was created and posted using Blogger for Word I highly recommend it.


Fritz

Wee bit o' 'umour!

Just something I stumbled upon, found it funny.


Fritz

Taking a Stand

As I have grown older I have come to realize that I can no longer be so wishy washy about some subjects. I need to take a stand on things that are important to myself and others. I need to hold tightly to principals that I value.

I’m not so sure their wives would like that so much. It would make it difficult to sleep.

The time has come for me to take a stand. There are issues in the world that are highly divisive, there are subjects that turn brother against brother, husband against wife, and sister against nephew.

That is why I am starting an online petition to urge the government to put a ban on trees falling on people’s houses! This has gone on for too long! The uncaringness exhibited by the politicians is too much. We must force them to do something about this issue. We send them over 60% of our money, so why can’t they stop trees from falling on houses?

You might wonder why this issue is so important to me. Well, I have had a life changing experience over the weekend. A tree just missed falling on my house. The shock and anger I felt that in America a tree would dare to attempt to damage my house, IN AMERICA, was too much. So please sign my online petition and make the politicians see that this issue is important to Americans from all walks of life, from the less rich people to the more rich people, from the whiners to the complainers, from the “I wish I were a minority” to the “I used to be a minority” people! Please sign!

Fritz

Smoking is Bad for You!!

I was recently reading one of my more favorite blogs to read fresh milk delivered daily and the creator, author, and photographer of the blog greenemama was writing about her Real Age.

This looked interesting so I filled out as much info as I knew. My age is 26.4 and my "real age" is 32.3! How did I miss so many birthdays? You all owe me lots of gifts!

Anyway, the website said (and if you read something on the internet it must be true) that if I kept exercising the same and whatnot when I am 29.4 my "real age" will be 24.1! Apparently I will discover the fountain of youth in the future!

Actually, the real reason is that the date I quit smoking will be farther and farther away. So two things must be obvious from this:

1. Against what everyone says, smoking is bad for you! I wish someone had told me sooner, where was the government to protect me from the evils of tobacco?

2. If you smoke, then quit you will then start going backwards in time. Astonishing I know! The secret to time travel has always been right under our noses!

*And in our lungs too!*

I'm not sure what I'm going to do with this info, but I'm thinking that if I start smoking again, and more heavily, then quit again, I'll be able to go back in time and rescue Martin Luther King Jr. from assasination! I can go to a Beatles concert and keep The Doors from forming!

How exciting!

Fritz

The CPA – Interlude - Ramblings

Well, I think that I’ll keep from using any potty mouth language in the following posts. While I wanted you, the reader, to truly understand how abusive the language directed at me truly was, after I re-read what I had written, it just seemed out of place in a family friendly blog. I just don’t really like using that language and I don’t think I want that language on my blog.

So while I’m not going to delete the post, I hereby promise to not use foul language in my blog again. I hope I didn’t drive any readers away by the choice to have that language in the post.

*Why is it that I am such a happy go lucky guy, yet my alter ego posts about serious stuff all the time? What up with that?*

It is a curse.

*I’m curious which of your fine posts the readers found most enjoyable; it might give you some direction.*

Err, why should I really care what the readers like? Do I get paid per hit? What is in it for me?

*Please, you love the adoration of people, you love it when someone says, “Good post! It made me laugh/cry/go to the bathroom easier.”*

Very true. So people, dear readers who love and admire me, not to mention envy me, what was your favorite post? Would you like more posts about the cats? Would you like more fiction such as Ahhh, the Power of Cheese? What do you want? I just might listen!

*My favorites are Gratuitous Furity and The CPA – Part I.*

You don’t get a vote you dope. If it were up to you there would be song lyrics in every post. You would talk about your dorky, idiotic, hobbies. You would kvetch about how little respect you get. About how awesome your fantasy baseball team is doing. You would have me do an in-depth look at “Da Da Da!” You would destroy all that I have worked so hard to create! Now go away!

Can’t end on that note of anger and bitterness……what to do……

Awww, how cute!


Fritz

The CPA – Part II - *%#@! (Edit)

This version is edited, below you will find the unedited version of events. I find the unedited version truly gives a better feel to my state of affairs, but read whichever you like.

“*** ******! *** ******! *** ******!” The CPA screamed at me, pounding his fist on his desk, his eyes bulging in his rage. “Why don’t you pull your ******* head out of your *** and listen you ********!”

My eyes glazed over, as they usually did when he went off, there was a window behind The CPA’s desk and I would stare out the window as I stood in front of his desk, I would wish that I were out there, instead of in here with this fat, short, bald guy with coffee breath screaming obscenities at me.

As I look at what I write it seems shocking to me, but at the time it was so blasé. While not a super common occurrence, getting screamed at was a pretty normal part of the workday. The CPA gave me tons of work to do, which I didn’t mind, but he would never show me how to do what he wanted, or in what way he wanted something done. I used to ask for some guidance but all he would ever say was, “Look back!”

That meant look at what had been done previously and deduce from that how to do what you were working on now. Mistakes were unacceptable as well. That was a pleasant combo, figure out on your own how to do something that is new, with the knowledge that any mistake, even a name misspelling would bring about the CPA’s wrath.

“Thank you, Lord, for this good job,” I prayed on that Saturday night, after leaving the call center.

“You aren’t sure that it is good yet,” Wife #1 cautioned, but I shrugged it off. How could this NOT be a good job? I had suffered patiently through the call center, through stocking shelves at Pier One; I had even applied to work at Wendy’s. I had sacrificed and prayed and God had seen me through the wilderness and it was over! I knew this for a fact. That is one reason why the first time The CPA exploded at me I was so shocked. I sat at my desk for a half hour, staring out the window, knowing that I couldn’t quit, I had been without a real job for so long that we needed the money a decent paying job brought in. So I had to accept his verbal abuse. Day after day, week after week, being called a “******* idiot” doesn’t really get old, especially not when it is screamed at you time after time. He had no regard for me.

I hated him.

I was confused, why had God put me through all that crap just to spit on me? I was down on the ground, did I really need that last kick? Was He chuckling, having a grand old laugh at His latest practical joke?

When I was younger I went to a Christian school called N.E.C.A. They gave awards at the end of the year based on Godly values that each person displayed throughout the year. After one tough year I was awarded the Perseverance Award. I’m just too stubborn to quit; I don’t like to lose so I don’t give up. It became almost a game, The CPA had to be on his last legs, I could outlive the ******* easily.

I noticed that certain words that I had thought firmly locked away were creeping back into my vocabulary again as I was exposed to language so foul it would make a (prostitute) blush. Maybe I should have cleaned the language up as I write this, but it seems a lie, like I have said in the past, if you are offended by what I’m writing, I’m not forcing you to read it, but I will accept all donations through Paypal still.

So I worked as hard as I could, I worked as error free as I could, and waited for a new job to come along or for The CPA’s heart to give out, either was an acceptable solution to me.

Fritz