Well, I thought I would be funny, at least start off with something funny, but nothing is coming to me. How pathetic, writer’s block on an internet blog that no one is going to read!
Anyway, I just finished the Green Mile by Stephen King (again), in which the main character, Paul, is living in a nursing home and writing about his experiences in the past, working on Death Row in 1932. Aside from being a good story, Stephen King does an excellent job of portraying an older person’s life in a nursing home.
Now for the thing that I’m not sure I am supposed to say, I am terrified of dying, not death, but the process.
*Just a note, I just erased “terrified” and replaced it with “scared” it seems more “Christian”, but then the whip came out, and I switched it back.*
My sister wrote recently in her blog about my Mother’s death, read it here:
http://sharppointythings.blogspot.com/2005_05_01_sharppointythings_archive.html
The post entitled: “Memorial Day”
Back yet?
Come on……
Must be from a public school…..
ARE YOU BACK YET??
Ok, good.
Well, that seems like the best way to make the transition from earth to heaven, doesn’t it? Apart from us still stuck here being sad, it seems rather painless. I don’t want to grow old, the journey seems rather crappy. I also am scared of being put in a nursing home, also known as “Hell on Earth.” Carrie’s (my wife) grandfather had to be put in a Hell Hole recently, he is fading fast and I hope he dies soon, how can you want to live with your mind gone? How can you want to carry on when you can’t get up to go to the bathroom? You have to use a bedpan, why would you want to stay around here?
I don’t want to end up there, I don’t want to reach a point in my life where I can’t even do the simple things I enjoy like being one of the three wisemen in “Journey to Bethlehem.” I will never forget my grandfather crying when he talked about not being able to do that “this year.” I’m sure he wasn’t crying because he looked forward all year to portraying the wiseman, but the fact that he couldn’t do something so simple.
So, I’m not saying, pull the plug, what I am saying is that I hope and pray I don’t make it to that point that there is a plug to pull.
Am I being selfish? I don’t know. At this point I guess I am supposed to talk about submitting to God’s will and whatnot so the one person who stumbles on this blog doesn’t think less of me, but I really don’t care. And isn’t that really the point of this?
2 comments:
Hi Fritz...you have followers, many of them. For the record, you have a blog that we ALL would like to have, you know, the kind of blog where our evil twin takes over and says what we really think. Anyway, you are hilarous.
Now, for my comments regarding nursing homes etc.
My parents were both in their late 60's when they suffered strokes. When my mom had her stroke, our two oldest boys were homeschooled high schoolers and took turns staying with them and helping as much as they could.
My dad's second stroke left him totally physically incapacitated. My husband and I sat down with our family doctor and proposed a plan whereby my parents could move to a smaller place in our town and we would all help around the clock with him in lieu of his going to a nursing home.
Our doctor was skeptical but said he would be willing to support us in our efforts. Less than a week later, by dad went home to be with the Lord.
Knowing that my mom could not live on her own, we brought her to our home where she has lived with us for 11 1/2 years. It has been a good situation and we are all thankful that we have been able to make it work. There have been some personality bumps along the road, as you would anticipate in all families and in all relationships but all in all it has been fine.
However, I will not rule out the possibility that at some point in her life, we would not be the best equipped to take care of her needs. Her health issues are such that she will most likely have another stroke at some point. I don't know how familiar you are with stroke patients, but they often have dramatic personality changes and the dynamics in our household might be such that it would be impossible for us to keep her here. (I remember my own grandmother becoming senile and dangerous to have around my small children. I once walked in the room to find her holding my 1 1/2 year old son down with a pillow over his face and he was struggling to get loose.)
The point is, we do not know what is in the future. We only know that for today, in our home, we have purposed to care for my mother. I would expect the same of my own children. We have grace sufficient for today. God will give us the grace sufficient for tomorrow's needs.
I would encourage you to not use imflammatory phrases like "hell hole" to describe nursing homes. I know many fine people who believe God has called them to serve Him in ministry in these places. Quite franklyk they are often more kind and gentle than family members are when stressed out by the situation.
I also know wonderful Christians who have made plans to have their loved ones cared for in places other than their own homes when it became either physically, safely, or emotionally impossible for them to do otherwise. Please do not judge them; you do not know the guilt and struggle they are already experiencing for making those choices. What they need is a kind word, and encouragement, and friends who respect them though they may disagree.
Having crossed the 50 year mark myself and realizing that "the fall" is taking its tole on our own bodies, my husband and I are thinking through our retirement plans and included in that are steps for taking care of us as needed. We have lived a pro-life life thus far and have passed those values on to our children. We trust that they will do the right thing for us as we age.
Living in the covenant together from the womb to the tomb requires a measure of grace, both in our own families and in the body of Christ. That grace must extend to the choices others make that aren't as black and white as we would like them to be.
I would encourage you to rethink your post.
My post had nothing to do with wanting to "live fast and die young" if I gave that impression. Rather what I was trying to get at was that I don't want to lose my mental faculties, I don't want to have some stranger taking care of me. In fact, I don't want to have family taking care of me. What I want is to be like Moses, in perfect health "his eyes never dimmed" and then die while talking to God. If that is at age 28 or age 962 I am happy with that, it is not the end result (death) that scares me, merely the journey.
I am going to have to stick by my broad brush comment regarding nursing homes. Too often they are miserable places for people to live. I understand completely why they are in existence, I also know that good people work there, my brother-in-law worked for a nursing home and I know he cared about the people, but I wrote this post after reading "The Green Mile" by Stephen King and I will admit that tainted my view of nursing homes.
Also, the ones I have visited are not places I would want to live at. Surrounded by strangers, confused, needing a bedpan, even if the people are good caring folks, it still sounds bad to me, mostly due to what I am experiencing due to my old age, and not always due to outside circumstances.
--Fritz
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