To My Family

This is a letter I wrote to my family, please take time to hug your own family members and tell them that you love them, you never know when it will be your last time.



Over the past 6 months I have been to a funeral for a 3-year old, watched a 16 year-old young man waste away and had to attend his funeral as well, and now, spent much of the past week in prayer for a brother of someone who works here. The car he was in was struck by a drunk driver driving approximately 25 mph over the speed limit.

Today is very crucial for him, and things do not look all that good, but please pray for a miracle.


This made me think and realize more that each day is not to be taken for granted. That we get tomorrow only because God has deemed it best, and at any moment one of us could be taken home. I was talking to someone at work who had lost her mother at a young age as well and I was remarking how I had no regrets since she always knew that I loved her, and I knew that she loved me. There are not unsaid things I wish I would have said, because we, as a family, always told each other though our words and actions that we genuinely love each other.

Let me just take this moment to say to you all that I love you all, and no one has been more blessed than I to have such a great family. I wouldn't trade any of our moments together for anything. Quick walk down memory lane:

Brother #1: Sword fighting with yellow wiffle bats.

Sister #1: Cutting the hair off of your Rainbow Brite fuzzy creature

Sister #2: umm....Any memories that don't end with us getting in trouble? How about using the sofa cushion to sled down the stairs!

Sister #3: You grabbing a broomstick, me lifting you up and smacking you into the refrigerator while you laughed gleefully the whole time.

Dad: While I enjoy our golf outings, what I will always cherish are the times when you would play football with us...except for the time Brother #1 broke his collarbone I guess. You always made time for us, thanks.

I do not believe that any family could be better than the one I'm in.

I love you all and look forward to our gathering 4th of July weekend.

Fritz

Mother's Day - Part 2

There are quite a few holidays that I don’t feel sad about my Mother not being there. Last Mother’s Day even I don’t think I was too distraught. This year though, for some reason, I really miss her. It isn’t a debilitating sadness that makes you unable to do much of anything, it is more just the constant reminder and pain that she isn’t here anymore.

I recently re-read a series that she used to read to us when we were younger, I could hear her doing the various voices for the characters in my head.

July 19^th, 2003 was such a long day. I don’t remember all of it even, but there are things engraved into my mind.

My grandmother saying, “I don’t want to lose another daughter!”

“Well, that’s it then,” my father said before he collapsed in tears.

I remember squeezing my mother’s cold hand, hoping that if I could warm it up she would somehow wake up again.

“It is never a good time to lose a parent,” stated the note my mother had written my uncle, but hadn’t had a chance to mail yet.

My second youngest sister and her family coming back into the hospital tears streaming down her face asking, “What happened?”

At that moment I realized that none of us had wanted to believe that she was actually leaving us.

One of the strange things was that the last time I saw her alive was actually in New Jersey of all places. We were celebrating my aunt’s wedding so the whole family was out there. We were swimming in my grandfather’s pool and Mom joined us, just like she had for all those years when we were growing up.

My parents were always involved in our lives, that is what made them such great parents.

I remember being in the pool, my mother had gotten out and she and Dad came back out to say good night. We were all heading back to Pennsylvania the next day so we all wanted to make sure to say our “Love Yous” and “Have a safe trips.”

How is that for your last memory of your mother, in a swimming pool in New Jersey. Proof that there is a God and He has a sense of humor.

I miss you, Mom.

Mother's Day - Part 1

Cure My Tragedy

Cold

Every little thing that I ever did,

You would stand by me.

Every time you cried it would take my wind,

My heart would break.

If I could be strong like you were for me,

You are my faith.

Won’t you cure my tragedy,

Won’t you cure my tragedy.

Don’t take her smile away from me,

She’s broken and I’m far away.

If you made the world a stage for me,

Then I hope that you can hear me scream.

Can you hear me scream?

Can you hear me scream?

The Baby

(Harley Allen/Michael White)



My brother said that I

was rotten to the core.

I was the youngest child,

so I got by with more.



I guess she was tired by

the time I came along.

She'd laugh until she cried,

I could do no wrong.

She would always save me,

because I was her baby.



I worked a factory in Ohio,

a shrimp boat in the Bayou,

I drove a truck in Birmingham.

Turned 21 in Cincinnati,

I called home to mom and daddy,

I said "Your boy is now a man."

She said "I don't care if you're 80,

you'll always be my baby."



She loved that photograph,

of our whole family.

She'd always point us out,

for all her friends to see.



That's Greg he's doing great,

he really loves his job.

And Ronnie with his 2 kids,

how 'bout that wife he's got.

And that one's kinda crazy,

but that one is my baby.



I got a call in Alabama,

said come on home to Louisianna

and come as fast as you can fly.

Cause your momma really needs you,

and says she's got to see you,

she might not make it through the night.

The whole way I drove 80

so she could see her baby.



She looked like she was sleepin'

and my family had been weepin'

by the time that I got to her side.

And I knew that she'd been taken,

and my heart it was breakin',

I never got to say goodbye.



I softly kissed that lady

and cried just like a baby.

Full Color

P.O.D.

I guess, you always knew what was best

Believed in your God, til the very last breath

You showed me how strong you can be

If Jesus saved your life, could he do it for me?

I'll lay down my life for you and for Him

Believe God's promise, I'm gonna see you again

Dear me, dear me.....what have I done?

Hail Mary, full of words, blessed above other bloggers art thou.

It has been nearly a month since my last blog post....I know I should have been here sooner, but not all that much exciting happened.....

No really, nothing did...well, if you insist.

I did manage to hit my first chip-in on a golf course. Hmm? Any details? It's a little foggy, but let's see.

11th hole at Parkview, Par 5, and I chipped it in from the rough to the right of the green....oh and it was for birdie.

Well, I guess that was exciting...anything else?

Want to hear why I hate Lowe's?

Good.

In the basement of my house there are 3 rooms. The main big room that the computer is in along with a cubby that I have the TV and three chairs resting at. There is also the utility room that the garage door leads into and holds my washer, dryer, hot water tank, etc.

And there is the storm room. This room has no windows and is in the basement, perfect for hiding from those nasty tornados that enjoy hopping over my house. Although I do prefer them hopping me than running through the little town I call home.

Anyway, the storm room had no door, even though I have lived in the house for several months and had put a door up for the utility room, and even bought one for the storm room, it had no door.

"Why is that?" you might ask.

Well, a huge, steel support beam cuts through the center of the house making the doorway 77" tall, which is 3" shorter than standard doorways. This makes getting a door a real pain. My choices were to remove the support beam, or get a shorter door.

Lowe's does custom doors, so I headed there. My father-in-law and myself measured the doorway four times to ensure the proper measurements.

I read the measurements to the meth head behind the desk at Lowe's and he punched them into the computer.

"We will have your door in 17 days," he told me.

17 days! I wanted this thing made out of wood, not stone. But that was the best he could do, and since I could tell he was needing a crack break I agreed.

(At this point, go listen to a song that you like)

- - - - - Musical Interlude - - - - - -


19 Days Later......

I look at the clock on my phone.....20 minutes have passed since I first was put on hold by the Wal-Mart reject at the front desk.

Finally someone picks up the phone and informs me that my door should be in on next week's truck. The person sounded a little math deficient so I refrained from informing him that 24 days is longer than 17 days.....

My father came out to visit us, rather exciting! We played golf, and on Friday took Brother #1's van to pick up my door.

I marched to the front desk and informed the lady that I was there to pick up my door, I filled out the necessary papers and was told to pull my vehicle up to the front of the store and someone would bring my door out shortly.

14 minutes later.....

I marched to the front desk and informed the lady that I was there waiting for one of the stock clerks to bring my door to me. Just then an 80-year old gentleman wearing a Lowe's flotation device hobbled to the front desk and asked what door he was supposed to bring forward.

Reassured that the old-geezer would soon have my door to me I went back outside to wait....

11 minutes later.....

I marched to the front desk and informed the gentleman that I had been waiting for 25 minutes for my door to be brought to me outside the store. He asked the lady what was going and she replied (and I quote) "I sent Ron back for it..." she then tried to turn away and go back to whatever solitaire game she was playing.

Burn in the fire of Home Depot lady!!!!

The guy was much more professional than the Wal-MArt reject lady and he promised to go get Ron and have my door brought out immediately.

Which is was. Would have been nice if that had been done 30 MINUTES EARLIER!

I take the door home and the next day, since it was raining and we couldn't go golfing anyway, my father and I put the door in....

It fit very easily since it was 3" narrower than we needed it....

Lowe's wasted 20 minutes of my time on the phone, made me wait 24 days for the door to get in, wasted 30 minutes of my life standing outside the store, all for a door that didn't fit the doorway.

I hate Lowe's....

Miscellaneous Drivel

Quote of the Moment:

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
- Jeff Valdez

Pirates Update:

They stink.

Pie Rats Update:

I managed to pull off a tie somehow...

Golf Update:

I went golfing on Saturday. It was fun. Since it was the first time I touched many of the clubs this year, I gave myself a few mulligans on particularly wretched shots. I ended with a 53 on the front 9. I was pretty happy. I'm hoping by the end of the year to consistently shoot in the 40s. I putted ok, averaged 2.1 putts per hole, and almost drained a long one from the fringe.

Good for the Soul?

The most important thing to remember about the game of golf is this: Golf hates you. It hates you with a passion. Once you come to that understanding you can actually enjoy yourself a little more.

I say this because I went out and hit some golf balls yesterday…..in shorts…..and was mildly warm still. I know the people in Erie donÂ’t want to hear this due to them having SNOW on the ground still, but the story must be told!

Most times after I hit the ball I would mutter to myself, most often "“heel!"” No, I was not cursing with a Southern accent, I was merely expressing my disdain towards myself for constantly swinging out too far and hitting the ball with the heel of the club, this causes the ball to fly to the left, since I am a left - handed golfer, it also spins to the left, causing more leftward movement. Not good.

But, as I retrained myself on how to hit the ball properly, and how to not sway back as I pulled the club back, I began hitting the ball straight again. I was pretty happy.

Over this past tax season I did some people'’s taxes, I made enough to be able to purchase a membership to the Pekin Park District. No more paying each time, I pay up front and save some cash. And if I want to just do 5 holes, that is fine! Or just play the back 9, I can do it! I canÂ’t wait to get out there…..I sure hope it is nice this Saturday.

SaturdayÂ's Forecast: Sunny…high of 50. Wear a jacket and you will be fine.

I am so there.

Saddam's Secrets (A Review)

Saddam's Secrets

by General Georges Sada


General Sada is a general in the Iraqi air force. He served loyally from 1968 through the mid-80s when he was forced to retire since he refused to join the Baath party.

He was called back to active duty for the first Gulf War and he was put in charge of many of the POWs. He single handedly saved all the POWs in his jurisdiction by refusing the demand of Qusay to have them all executed, even though he was thrown in prison and was going to be killed himself for it.

One of his accomplishments that he is proudest of is that of the 606 Kuwaiti POWs held in Iraq, the only one to survive Iraqi imprisonment and torture was the one under Sada's authority.

When we talk about great men we forget what greatness is at times, but how many lives did General Sada save by standing up to Saddam as he did, even though he risked his own life to do it.

It is not the best written book, Sada is a military man and English is not his first language, but it is easy to read and very interesting.

4 out of 5

You may notice that this was a different score yesterday, I didn't mean to type 5 out of 5, I just did for some reason, at least it is fixed now.

Also, with baseball season starting I know many of you are wondering how the Pirates will be doing and how my fantasy team (the Pie Rats) are. I will be having weekly reports on both of them so have no fear!

I so can not believe that you just outed yourself like that...a fantasy sports team? How big a geek are you?

Matress from Purgatory

So.....the new mattress arrived a few days ago. DHL delivered it, when it arrived it appeared that DHL had used it to test out knives and other sharp pointy things. In short, it looked like Bruce Willis at the end of Die Hard.

Well, not that bad, in fact it appears to be fine, the company is sending a new cover and giving us a discount.

They have also promised that the DHL driver who delivered the mattress and put it in such a way that the gaping wounds would be hidden, would be shot. Repeatedly.


I hate people, was he going to lose his job if he admitted that the mattress was not in the shape that it started its journey in? What a lack of caring, in stead of pointing out the damage, he hid it!

DHL.....

Scum of the earth. Do not ever use DHL if you can help it.

Anyway, the mattress is a foam mattress and it arrives vacuum sealed and rolled up. The company said that after opening it would take 2 hours for it to fluff up. I didn't believe that it would be that short of a time, neither did Wife #1. We decided to open it in the basement, let it fluff out over night, then move it upstairs.

Great plan!

It is now stuck in the basement since I can't fold it in half while moving it up the stairs at the same time. Brother #1 and Sister #3 are coming over this weekend to help me. I wonder if Brother #1 told her yet?

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! This mattress appears to be perfect for us, firm enough for me while comfy enough for Wife #1's back. She slept on it last night, had a little slumber party with Merlin and Morgan while Arthur and I slept near the alarm clock. Poor Percy is still stuck in the sick room.

All I need to do now is actually get it to the bedroom....one step at a time...one slow step at a time...

A Sick Cat

Percy is sick.

Percy is on the right, Merlin on the left

I hate it when one of the cats gets sick. They aren’t able to tell us how bad off they are, or if it is just a slight upset stomach. After the Merlin situation I am always more paranoid about the health of the cats.

I was not a cat person, I didn’t care if we had a cat or not in the beginning. I am an animal person though, I acknowledge the fact that our dominion over Creation means that we are not to cause unnecessary pain or injury to an animal.

A few days after we had adopted Merlin, we were upstairs and we heard a tremendous thrashing downstairs. Being the brave man-

Umm…sure…

-that I am I went downstairs to see what the ruckus was.

Merlin had gotten a bag caught around his neck, and the bag was stuck in between the legs of one of the barstools we had at the breakfast bar.

The more he struggled to get free, the worst it became for him. I raced over to him and held him to keep him calm as I called for Wife #1 to brings scissors. We gently, and oh so carefully, cut the bag away from his neck.

At that moment I realized that Merlin couldn’t take care of himself. He needed us to keep him safe, sure he could attempt to live on his own outside, but that would be a miserable existence.

Kind of a picture of how we need God, eh?

When Merlin got really sick due to him missing his brother immensely, I realized that these are not mere dumb animals. They have their own behaviors, their own way of doing things, and they really care about each other.

His Highness, His Chubbiness, King Arthur

Arthur is the protector of the other cats, he has heard one of the other cats calling out, either in pain or just out of loneliness, and he races over to them to make certain they are ok.

The Little Princess

Morgan gets treated specially by the other cats, they will clean her, but she only cleans Wife #1 while she is trying to sleep…..not exactly the way that she would like Morgan to show her affection. Let me just add that she is not in a laundry basket in the above picture. We have a small basket that she and Percy love to sleep in, she is not a 50lb cat yet.

So Percy is sick, locked off from the rest of his family, he is the most affectionate cat of the four, he loves physical contact, he rarely will be by himself and, unless asleep, he will usually be near to another cat or one of his slaves (Wife #1 and myself).

He is getting better, I have prayed that he would get healthy. Since he is the runt I always fear that he is more sickly somehow and that an illness that other cats can recover from he won’t be able too.

Sometimes I try to recall what it was like out our happy home without the cats, and I can’t really remember what it was like. When the cats are all at the vet for a check-up or the breeder to get shaved, the house seems empty and quiet. I don’t really want to go back to the time before pets.

I’m still not really a cat person, I just like these cats.

Sure you aren’t, sure you aren’t

Sister #2 Enters the Fray

I have added a new link, Sister #2 has started a blog so I have added her to my links. Yes!! Another blog to forget about and feel guilty for not reading often enough!

And it looks so pretty in pink.!

Mattress from Hell

As many of you know Wife #1 has bad back problems. We have gone to many different doctors to little or no avail. One option we thought of was to buy a better mattress. The best mattress even! A Sleepnumber Bed! Well, at least a knock-off.

We received the mattress on the 13^th of February and I immediately put it together. Yes, you read that correctly, you have to put the mattress together. It took me an hour or so, plus I had to move the old king sized mattress off the bed and to another room by myself. It was all rather tiring.

Of course, as we could all foresee, the pump to inflate the air chambers was broken. I then had to move partially put together mattress to another room and muscle the old mattress back on the bed.

The new pump arrived on Thursday, so again I muscled the old mattress off the bed and got the new one put together. The pump worked! Our bed was ready to be slept on! What a wonderful day!

Friday Morning

I awaken with a stiff back. Dumb me, I had the mattress too soft, I just need to inflate it more.

Saturday Morning

Again, an aching back, I will have to remember to inflate it more so I get some support for my back.

Sunday Morning

I must have slept for too long since my back is really hurting; maybe I still have it too soft?

Monday Morning

I can barely get out of bed. I am in so much pain, of course I can’t really complain about it to Wife #1, I think the bed is helping her back feel better. I just need to figure out how to come up with an excuse to sleep on something else other than this, a bed of nails would feel better.

Monday Evening

Wife #1 finds out I hate the bed. I find out that she isn’t all that fond of it either. I take it apart and pack it up. This is awful. The boxes are too small for this thing to fit into, unless I really compress the parts, so I end up kneeling on a roll of foam tying a phone cord around it so that it won’t burst the box open anymore than it already has.

Final cost for this wonderbed? $150 to have it shipped to us, $150 to have it shipped back to them. The lady at the company was very nice and told us that we shouldn’t have to pay any restocking fee, which would have been around $200. And my back is still recovering from sleeping on it for four nights.

I was talking to a chum at work who had recently purchased a new driver (a golf club). As any married golfer knows when you want to get a golf club, you need to have an ace up your sleeve. He had agreed that his wife could purchase a new piano with most of their tax refund…..

CHA-CHING!!

New golf club baby!!

I can now hold this over Wife #1 so next time I want a golf club all I have to do is refer to the mattress from hell, the money spent on it, the pain it caused me, and the amount of time I spent putting it together TWICE, and taking it apart TWICE. In others words….

CH-CHING!

New R-7 baby!!

My Deepest and Most Insincere Apologies

Looks like I had something to say again! Rejoice people! Rejoice! I have returned!

This will make four posts today, I would promise to try and write more, but I'm sure that not only would I break that promise, you wouldn't care if I did.

I know I wouldn't care.

So Long, Reverend Red Hed!

In my life I have had to endure leaving (or being left by) many people. The amount of people I have left due to changing jobs is enormous. So I’m used to saying goodbye to co-workers.

Last Friday was the last day for a guy here at work, the Red Hed Rev, so we had a going away party for him, as we have done before, then we said goodbye and he left….although I will see him Wednesday to give him a final check. One difference though:

I actually liked him.

He had that slightly caustic sense of humor that I enjoy so much in myself and others. It is much easier to say good-bye to that schmuck who irritates you on a daily basis than to see someone leave who had restored your love of basketball by organizing a get together to play ball. We would have had more I’m sure except for his wife’s pesky pregnancy thing. Those seem to ruin everything.

The Red Hed Rev was actually the first person I met here at my job. Other than Brother #1 of course, but as all older brothers should know by know, to us younger brothers, you really don’t count.

I had a job interview here and even though I knew there was a casual atmosphere I was still showing up in my suit and tie.

His cubicle was the first one inside the door. He looked a little surprised to see someone in a suit there and I realize now that he probably thought I was a salesman of some sort.

Anyway, we will miss you, and I’m positive that God will only do good things for you and your family because of your long awaited church.

When the Best Words are Nothing

There is a guy I work with here, his three-year-old daughter died last night. She was very ill, but this was unexpected.

I don’t know the details, but they don’t really matter. What I do know is that he will hear ten thousand times that God is good, and this is all according to His plan, and words like that. The big question is though, why will he hear the same thing from so many different people?

It is because we want to help, we want to help ease his sorrow and suffering, so we remind him of God’s promises, which is good, but he won’t be hearing that from me. Dealing with all the effects from Wife #1’s back problems has made me grow weary of hearing constantly that everything is going according to God’s plan. But why say the same thing over and over and over? I don’t need to hear this from person after person in a half hour span.

It is because we want to say the right thing to help, yet what we really need to do is shut up and listen. In most cases we don’t have the right words, if they sound trite to your ears I guarantee you they are sounding trite to his. What someone who is suffering needs sometimes is just to be listened to. That is becoming a rare thing these days; someone who can listen and not throw his two cents in, it is something that I try to work on myself.

So when he gets back, I will ask him how he is, how his wife is and if there is anything I can do to help. I know many others will say the same things, but I am going to try really hard to actually listen to his answers, that is what is needed most more often than not.

Side thought:

One of the things I love about working where I do is that we all stopped working and gathered to pray for a while for our Brother. Work was put on hold while we all prayed, silently and aloud. It was a moving experience.

All Numbers End Up at 9

I heard an interview with a human calculator over the weekend, this stuff interests me greatly, but I will assume that most of you will be bored out of your mind. I will not be mad if you skip this post entirely in fact.

Anyway, the guy was saying that one day he had an epiphany in that all numbers end up at nine. He gave some examples and it was very interesting. He showed how to check your math easily and how you can always be certain of your answers. Here is how:

If you are adding single digit numbers, such as 1 + 1, it is simple to check your answer.

1 + 1 = 2

You would take the 1 and the 1, put them together and you get 11.

Subtract your answer of 2:

11 -– 2 = 9

You end up with 9 so you know your answer is correct.

You can do this with any single digit addition with a twist, just make sure to add the answer together to get your 9. Like so:

5 + 4 = 9

54 -– 9 = 45

4 + 5 = 9!

With double-digit addition it is slightly different. You use your answer to figure it out to 9. Like so:

61 + 61 = 122

122 = 1 + 2 + 2 = 5

122 -– 5 = 117

117 = 1 + 1 + 7 = 9!

Sure, this has no practical value, but it amazes me, letÂ’s try one more before moving on:

52 + 89 = 141

141 = 1 + 4 + 1 = 6

141 - 6 = 135

135 = 1 + 3 + 5 = 9!

Now onto triple digits:

122 + 135 = 257

257 = 2 + 5 + 7 = 14

257 -– 14 = 243

2 + 4 + 3 = 9!

As you can see, everything is normal when your answer has three between 1 and 3 digits, letÂ’s get some 4-digit answer and see what occurs:

555 + 666 = 1221

1221 = 1 + 2 + 2 + 1 = 6

1221 -– 6 = 1215

1 + 2 + 1 + 5 = 9!

I donÂ’t know why this works, but it does, it doesnÂ’t seem to have any real value, but it really is amazing.

1356 + 8457 = 9813

9813 = 9 + 8 + 1 + 3 = 21

9813 -– 21 = 9792

9 + 7 + 9 + 2 = 27

This is the weird part, sometimes the answers are multiples of 9. But it is still 9 in the end!

55555 + 66666 = 122,221

1 + 2 + 2 + 2 + 2 + 1 = 10

122,221 -– 10 = 122,211

1 + 2 + 2 + 2 + 1 + 1 = 9!!

Well, there you go, I have fully exposed the fact that I am a numbers geek. All of the equations I have done in my head or on paper just about always end up at 9, and sometimes they end up at 27, a multiple of 9. If you find an equation that doesnÂ’t hold to this, please post it, I would be interested in seeing it.

You do know that no one is still reading this now, right?

There could be one!! There could be one!

Quick Reviews

Book

(One of the things that you read, it has pages)

Fevre Dream

by George R. R. Martin

This is a vampire tale, but not a classic vampire story. It is a vampire story on the Mississippi River during the Civil War, when steamboat captains reigned supreme and there was a poetic quality to the river. Of course, there is a major twist in the book that you will not guess. And the ending is not what you think it will be.

When I finished the book I felt that the author had set up things toom uch just to have nothing happen at parts, very anti-climactic in the middle of the book, it would build towards something, then fizzle, but it was still a good read. Martin is more than just an author, he is a story-crafter, his use of words is beautiful, he can make you feel like you are there. The epilogue is beautifully written. I had to read it several times, well worth the time, not a classic, but a good book.

3.5 out of 5

Movie

Batman Begins

I hate superhero movies, but Batman is a normal person, with all the normal person problems. An excellent tale of his beginnings, why he is the way he is, and why he dresses up like a bat. With a cast of Michael Caine, Gary Oldman (as a phenominal Sergeant Gordon), Liam Neeson, and Christian Bale (who I can't recall ever seeing before) doing a splendiferous job, the movie clicks well, even though it is long (2 hours, 21 minutes).

3.5 out of 5


Fritz

Call of Duty

How did you spend Friday night? I ran errands. In particular I went to Walgreen’s. There were some items on sale there and, of course, Wife #1 had coupons.

There was toilet paper on sale, tastefully called “bath tissue.” Some free eye lash brush, liner, thing, some other stuff and some items that are called “feminine products.” I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about, for the denser of you all, these items are used once a month.

Anyway, most guys have problems purchasing these items for some reason, I don’t have any qualms about it, but I have always drawn the line at using coupons to purchase them. Not sure why, I guess I just have to draw the line somewhere.

Friday though, these items were (1) on sale (2) with coupons (3) part of what is needed to be purchased in order to get a $10 gift card. I had to go.

There were several other items I needed as I have said, so I had to get a Walgreen’s cart. For those who don’t know, if a normal cart is the size of a Great Dane, a Walgreen’s cart is the size of a shiatsu. You cannot look normal pushing this cart around. You feel like you have been transported to Oz.

Your choices are to either use both hands to push the cart, looking like a large person inside a Geo Metro, or push it with one hand and assume that everyone who looks at you is secretly pitying you, since they all think that you are trying to look cool, while shopping at Walgreen’s on a Friday night and pushing around a shiatsu.

Anyway, I got the other items, saving the best for last. I walk into the aisle, in fear and trepidation. Most times I can be told a brand and color, but not this time. The packaging had been changed, I had to actually read each package to find out the ones I was looking for.

To make the situation better, the feminine products aisle was directly in line with the pharmacy counter, so it was heavily used. And the ones I was sent to get were on the bottom shelf.

I grabbed the first two, only to find that no others were immediately behind them. I got down on my knees and saw three others in the very back of the shelf. I stretched out, as far as I could, reaching for the three boxes. On my knees, next to a mini-kart, in the feminine products aisle of my local Walgreen’s, and I couldn’t reach them, I had to stretch further and pull them forward with the tips of my fingers. I had them! I had them!

As I left I thought, “Is this love?” Of course not, if love was pulling tampons toward you using your fingertips while on your knees in the middle of a heavily trafficked aisle, then why the heck do you never see that in the movies?

Fritz

Recap! Recap!

Sister #2 (mother of Fat Fatty) told me that she gets so mad at me due to my slow posting that she throws dishes against the wall.

Fortunately they use paper plates often.

Anyway, life has been busy for me so I thought I would give a quick recap of all that has occurred of consequence in the last two weeks.


Alex Smith threw his first touchdown pass of his pro career! He led the 49ers to a two game win streak to finish the 2005 season. Ending on a high note!


Joe Paterno and the Nittany Lions win the Orange Bowl in triple overtime over Florid State! A great ending to a phenomenal season.

Now on to more personal things.

I visited family at Christmas time, always fun, yet exhausting, had a very rigid schedule and--


If I could interject here, could you please stop boring your few remaining readers? Try talking about something interesting and funny!

How about a joke! I heard this from a guy at work the other day, I'll just slightly alter it to make it funnier.


Why don't Pentecostals....

Hey now! That is not quite family friendly there!

Oh, you've heard it....How about..

There once was a man from Nantu---

Ok, this post is over.

Is an encore in the cards?

Well, here is the opening I used on Friday night. I thought it went rather poorly, but people keep coming up to me and telling me that they enjoyed it. I did a better job later when I was doing stuff more spur of the moment, but I really was suprised that this didn't go over well. I can generally tell if something is good or not, and I was pretty sure this was good! I guess I'll have to blame the audience for this one.

Fritz

* * * * * * * *

Good evening everyone, and welcome to the 1^st Annual SMI Christmas Party that features me. I felt so honored when I was asked to be the MC of this year’s Christmas party, and my gratitude to what’s her name for asking me can’t be put into words.

Anyway, I just have a list of people that we need to thank before we can get started. First of all, thank you to Barrack’s Catering who has cooked the food, thank you to Anna Pittenger and Abigail Coon who will be playing while we eat so that we won’t have to hear each other chewing, and a special thank you to Barb Lange for putting this all together, and last, but certainly not least, thank you to me.

When I agreed to be the MC for the party this year the outpouring of affection was incredible. “Not everyone will understand your humor.” “Don’t forget that there will be children there!” “Watch the things you say!” “Remember that the board will be there!”

Actually that last one was rather helpful, I had a list of embezzlement jokes all ready to use.

Seriously though, we like to have a good time at SMI, but it is clean, law abiding fun, the rumors of Dwayne Carr and myself having to spend a few nights in a Las Vegas jail were vastly overblown. We are much too old and mature to do something that would jeopardize our freedom, or jeopardize our right to go to use a private toilet.

I didn’t realize how old I was until last summer when I was in a friend’s wedding. I was the best man and so I would have to dance with the maid of honor. My friend told me not to get excited since she was twenty-eight years old.

“Wow!” I thought, “how ancient! Would I have to carry her cane for her or pick her up from the retirement home?”

Then I realized that I was 26 and after doing some higher math I realized that in two years I would be that decrepit 28 year old. It is humorous to me how each age group doesn’t think that they are old, it is the next age group that is the burden on society.

Many people in their twenties are pretty sure that they will have to have pacemakers put in when they turn 30, thirty somethings dread being “over the hill” at 40. I hear rumors that 40 year olds make sure that their wills are made out when they near 50.

What amuses the rest of us is that people in their 50s have launched a giant campaign trying to convince all of us that “life begins at 50.” It seems to me that we need to be careful that the abortionists don't get behind this slogan. Forget the whole argument about whether life begins at conception or birth, it begins at 50!

I can picture the conversation now, a woman going into a “doctor’s” office:

"Doctor, I need your assistance, I have a son in the 92nd trimester. He is about to turn 30 and I don't want to have to pay to have his pacemaker put in."

With a Church like this, who needs an Anti-Christ?

Go read this, and read as many of the comments you can stand to read.


http://www.talk2action.org/story/2005/12/14/10845/314


Back from wretching? Good.


I am amazed that these people call themselves Christians. I have real problems with any baby killer (pro-choice) that calls themself a beliver in Christ. Not only do these people find abortion ok, they want there to be more "pro-choice" laws! One of the wonderful posters stated that when women get educated they have fewer children. My mother graduated from college and was rather well educated. She had five of us, you idiot.

Once again we come back to that whole critical thinking thing. I know it is hard, but once you realize that you are not really as smart as you think you are things get much easier. Just because you say that there is an overpopulation problem doesn't make it so. Show me some facts, facts like this one:

The entire population of the world can fit inside the state of Texas.

Imagine how much elbow room we would all have if we spread out across the whole country! Maybe we need to kill more babies until we can all fit inside Rhode Island. would you all be happy then?

I have an idea, why don't you all kill yourselves in order to give the rest of us a bit more room. It seems the only honorable thing to do, rather than kill defenseless babies, just off yourselves. That would solve two other problems as well, first we would no longer have to listen to your stupidity, and secondly we can actually find out if you are truly believers when you face the wrath of the holy Judge.


Fritz