You Can't Make This Stuff Up!

"I certainly hope that Hillary is the candidate," Reverend Jerry Falwell said at a breakfast session Friday in Washington. "I hope she's the candidate, because nothing will energize my (constituency) like Hillary Clinton," he said. "If Lucifer ran, he wouldn't."

Clinton press secretary Philippe Reines said Sunday, "Working for someone who believes in the Golden Rule, we're not going to engage in such vitriolic discourse -- but it seems that a new low has been reached in demonizing political opponents."

Get it? Demonizing?

One thing I don't get, the whole "believes in the Golden Rule" thing. Does that mean that Mrs. Clinton wants to be murdered over a scam land deal too?

The I.R.S. is Run and Staffed by Over-Paid Monkeys

Here is some evidence for you.

Here is some more proof that we can cut taxes and decrease spending without actually cutting anything:

"Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said the Pentagon could not account for $2.3 trillion in past spending. One recent Department of Defense internal auditor's report said $1.1 trillion in expenses were "unsupported or improper."

The Worst Training Video Ever!

Make sure you watch the part where the lady is using slang like "hizzouse" and "heazy" dawg!

The Franklin Quote that No One Could Remember

They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
- Benjamin Franklin

It is a tough decision...

Religion of Hypocrisy

Somehow, for a brief moment, the Pope had the guts to declare that Islam is not really a religion of peace. He has since backed down from those comments since, as we all know, Christ never offended anyone.

The firestorm after his comments though proved one thing: We would all be better off if the religion of Islam never existed. A few excerpts from newswires:

"Five churches attacked in Palestinian areas following Pope's comments on Islam ALI DARAGHMEH NABLUS, West Bank (AP)
- Palestinians wielding guns and firebombs attacked five churches in the West Bank and Gaza on Saturday, following remarks by Pope Benedict that angered many Muslims. No injuries were reported in the attacks, which left church doors charred and walls pockmarked with bullet holes and scorched by firebombs. Churches of various denominations were targeted."

"Somali cleric calls for pope's death

September 17, 2006

A HARDLINE cleric linked to Somalia's powerful Islamist movement has called for Muslims to "hunt down" and kill Pope Benedict XVI for his controversial comments about Islam."

And nothing screams peaceful religion like shooting a nun in the back!!

Yep, nothing like proving that your religion is non-violent than by firebombing a few churches and calling for an assasination, enjoy your 72 raisins.

Old-Fashioned

Old-fashioned way of playing, leads to old-fashioned winning. For the last few years it seemed like winnig football games was out of style in San Fransisco. The offense was inept, the defense was pathetic, and the special teams was actually mediocre. Last year I gushed about how excited I was to have Mike Nolan as the new head coach of the 49ers. I knew that the season would probably be pretty bad, but he had a plan, and you can see the results this year so far.

The 49ers are 1 - 1, with a 7 point loss to the Cardinals in which they lost the turnover battle 2-1. Yesterday they beat the Rams into submission, giving the ball to Frank Gore 30 times.

Frank Gore - My new Favorite Running Back

He was the backup to that bust Kevan Barlow, who had loads of talents but no work ethic. Last year Gore outrushed Barlow despite playing less and having 2 injured shoulders. Mike Nolan traded Barlow to the Jets and made Gore the starter.

Two games in, Barlow has 77 rushing yards and 1 TD compared to Gore's 214 rushing yards and 3 TDs. Not to mention a sparkling 4.8 yards per rush average. Gore is currently 4th in the NFL in rushing yards.

Alex Smith, after a pathetic first season, has blossomed into an actual quarterback. Quick comparison, and please note the lack of interceptions thrown:

Year	Team	G	GS	Att	Comp	Pct	Yds	YPA	Lg	TD	Int	Tkld	20+	40+	Rate
2005	San Francisco 49ers	9	7	165	84	50.9	875	5.30	47	1	11	29/185	13	2	40.8
2006	San Francisco 49ers	2	2	62	34	54.8	521	8.40	72	2	0	1/2	8	3	93.5

Ok, I'm done gushing over the fact that the 49ers look good. I might actually have a serious post coming up soon!

Feeling Down?

Are you feeling poorly about yourself? Are you feeling blue? Ever wanted to curl up in bed and wait until next week to come out again?

Maybe you are having problems at work, maybe your spouse thinks of you lower than dirt. Do your kids hate you? Maybe your ex-significant other just broke your heart.

Bad memories stuck in your head? Can't shake the time you made a fool of yourself in front of that cute girl/guy/other? Or when you said spiteful words and never had a chance to take them back?

Well, it doesn't matter what the reason for you feeling blue, I'm here to cheer you up with a simple phrase. I guarantee you will be feeling better soon:



Feel better?

*Actually, I was feeling fine before you brought back some supressed memories from my childhood.*

Kingdom of Odds and Ends

I have finished Kingdom and Heaven (a while ago actually) so let me give you my final thoughts on the movie.

I wish movies would quit making some bishop or cardinal out to be a schmuck in a robe. Seriously, I understand that all you Hollywood types think religious people are all hypocrites, so just let it go. I hope you feel proud of yourselves for hitting an easy target.

Aside from that, the movie actually made a fantastic statement regarding Jerusalem and all the people who have died over the "holy" land.

Our hero stays in character the whole time...his character being a blacksmith who knows military strategy, but he never wavers from his convictions, which lead him to assualt a massively larger force in order to allow the common folk to escape. He takes his vows seriously, and is willing to die for people he doesn't even know, only because he promised to protect them.

Movies about honor usually get high marks from me, there are only so many anti-heroes I can stand......

Which leads us to "V for Vendetta." I liked it, but if we had replaced a masked freak with a Muslim it would have been banned because the main character is nothing more than a terrorist. The soundtrack should have been "Rage Against the Machine," it was so anti-government.

But....as I was driving down the street the other day, I saw cameras above the intersection, supposedly to catch people running red lights. We are told that if we are law-abiding citizens we should have no issues with being recorded, and yet.....

This leads to the big question. How many people getting killed by terrorists in this country each year are we willing to accept in order to keep our freedoms? I don't know the answer, but what is our freedom truly worth?

Brave men and women died for our freedom over the course of this nation's history, are efforts to keep everyone safe taking away those freedoms? Should we try to keep everyone safe, yet allow people their freedoms and realize that a certain amount of people will die each year due to us being free?

I don't want to live in a perpetual state of lockdown in order to avoid all risk to my life. People were willing to die so that OTHERS can enjoy freedom, can we really do any less?

Dearth of Stuff

I've been very busy at work, so busy that the normal irritants of life didn't drive me to write, rather it drove me to drink......

4 cases of Diet Dr. Pepper later I feel human again.

Last time I wrote a post regarding how I had nothing to write about, a whole flood of things came to me, so maybe that is what will happen, hopefully I will be able to insert gruesome pictures of dead people back into my blog as well.

I'm watching "Kingdom of Heaven" right now, in stages. It is a long movie and lends itself well to being watched over the course of a few days. I'm liking it right now. I believe many critics panned it, or just were not all that excited about it, but I am a sucker for movies about honorable people, trying to do what is right amidst moral decay, when even the "good guys" tell you that you will regret not "doing a little evil for the greater good."

I am especially a sucker for these movies when they are set in medieval times when the men acting knightly and honorably are actual Knights, with horses and stuff.

Anyway, I don't know if the ending flops, but so far it is worth it, for the political intrigue alone.

From an Israeli Bunker

This was shared with me today and thought I would share it with the millions out there who breathlessly anticipate my next words:

http://israelibunker.blogspot.com/

Movie Rehash

So after I had recovered from Jarhead enough to want to watch another movie, Wife #1 and I watched the Brothers Grimm. Byt the time that dreadful thing ended I was pretty certain that I could never watch another DVD again.

Look, we swear we tried. We even dressed up in these moronic costumes. Nothing could save that script.

I'm not even going to talk about it, except to say that it was one of the worst movies you would ever sit all the way through. Must be because it keeps giving you slight hope that it will rise above itself, but it never does.

Then I watched The Chronicles of Narnia again. What a stupendous reminder that not all moveis have to suck! Wow! What a concept! It is still wonderful on DVD, not as good as the big screen of course, but still fabulous.

In fact, I find it amazing that any director who makes such craptacular movies like The Brothers Grimm isn't tarred, feathered, and beaten for good measure.

Stop! Thief!

Please click here and read the wonderful post my sister wrote.

The read the delightful comments. A few more stories are included.

My favorite wacky memory of my mother will always be chasing down a family of ducks in my backyard in order to release them back into the wild....also known as Lake Erie.

Geek Post #1

Two things happened today, I set up my wireless network in my house so I am now typing this post wirelessly! Huzzah! Also, the new wireless Vonage router makes my phone calls sound much clearer on my end. Double Huzzah!

Second thing:

I am now downloading a patch for a little game I play called World of Warcraft. It was not announced that there would be a patch tonight and I found out from someone that this patch took an hour to download...yes, that is with broadband. The reason that this aggravates me so much is that if I had known that there would be an hour long patch download I could have started the download BEFORE I mowed my lawn and got the car filled up with fuel....let's see...yes indeed, that took about an HOUR!!!

Instead, I come home, tired from grass maiming and car refueling after working all day and now have to sit and wait for a patch to download. Furthermore, the patch is to patch the mistakes the created when they released their LAST patch.

The really dumb part about this is that suckers like me pay a monthly fee to play the game...gripe about the game...and then, like a moth to a lamp (don't look at the light!!), get sucked back in.

Well, at least I get to fume while downloading the patch WIRELESSLY!!! Yay!!

*I'm pretty sure that this is far from being your first geek post...you so outed yourself long ago...to being a geek that is.*


Update: I reached 70% completion before it stopped downloading, I let it run for another 15 minutes. Nothing. I searched around and found that Blizzard had pulled the patch and apologized for pushing it out during peak time. But you still wasted an hour of my life!!!

The TP Problem

I had some friends over to my house on Friday to play some games and whatnot, it was a good time but more importantly, I got the house all clean again. I vacuumed, picked up, hid junk in closets, the works.

But I ran into a problem, a toilet paper problem. The roll that was out was mostly used up. I didn't want someone to use the restroom and run out of paper at an inopportune moment. I also didn't want to have a spare roll of toilet paper sitting out in the open.... how tacky.

*And the curtains just were not going with the carpet...*

So what do. The simple solution would of course be to throw out the mostly used roll and put a new one out, but that is where my Jewish heritage rose up and would not allow me to throw out something useful. But having a mostly empty roll of toilet paper sitting in the open is infinitely more tacky than a new one.

Solution: I hid the almost empty roll in the bedroom until the guests had left.


*Let me apologize for having wasted 5 minutes of your life. Sorry, no refunds though.*

More proof that people are morons

I go to the gym two or three times a week now. Get a good workout, play racquetball, etc. Anyway, in the parking lot for the gym, (you know the gym right? The place you go to get a workout, burn calories, get your heart pumping faster.), people will drive around the parking lot......looking for a parking spot closer to the entrance!!!


Idiots. They should be honored that they get to bask in my presence from time to time.

Fritz

Jarhead - Welcome to the Whine

Jarhead supposedly is based on a true story. I say supposedly since I can't actually see a real Marine whining as much as this putz does in the movie. It starts off with the guy talking about how he is scarred from his experience of "holding a rifle. " And that you never foget it even when changing your child's diaper. Does this mean that every hunter or target range shooter is scarred for life as well?

My grandfather took me shooting when I was 10 or so. Does this explain how my life got so messed up? It wasn't my fault! I was scarred from holding a rifle!! Seriously, shut up already! The closest the author got to actual combat was being shot at with friendly fire. I don't recall the Band of Brothers survivors complaining about how they were "scarred" after Bastogne.

"How come I wasn't told that being in the Marines was hard?"

He is not a sypathetic figure. He shows no respect for his superiors unless it is forced from him, he gets drunk rather than stand guard duty, and just wants out.

I can't recommend this drek to anyone. The next time I want to listen to 2 straight hours of whining, I'll go hang out with a 4 year-old.

Fritz

High Gas Prices

I am so sick and tired of paying these outrageous gas prices. The other day I saw that the price of gas near where I live had dropped, (DROPPED!!) to $2.85 per gallon. $2.85 per gallon! Those fat, rich oil companies keep getting greedier and greedier! It seems to me that making us hard-working Americans pay $2.85 per gallon of gas is virtually a crime against humanity!

A child in the Darfur region had his face bashed in, presumably with a rifle butt during a massacre in Hamada.

Let’s do some math here. If and average car gets 20 miles per gallon and drives 15,000 miles per year, you will use 750 gallons of fuel per year. Now, we were ok when gas was $2.00 per gallon, but let’s see what that .85 per gallon hike costs us!

Darfur Child Starving

$562.50! That is right, it costs us $562.50 per year! That is $46.88 per month! How do these bigwigs expect us to pay that! There are bleeding us dry! They are killing our retirement funds!

How are we supposed to go on living like this?

Another Darfur Child

It is time we stand up for ourselves! It is time we demand that the government protect us from the evils of high gas prices! This is the greatest crisis we have ever faced. And the politicians do nothing about it.

Time for action!

This man was castrated before he was shot in the head

If we send our politicians an email a day, maybe we will get through. Maybe we will move them to action to protect us from disaster. Please everyone, I beg of you, email your congressman, send letters to your senator…hurry, before it is too late.

My goodness we whine a lot.

Fritz

Saying Yes

I wrote in a previous post regarding a co-worker whose brother was seriously injured in a car accident. I prayed for his recovery, yet I didn’t really feel like I believed that a miracle would happen. Deep inside I was pretty certain that he would not be healed.

It isn’t that I don’t believe that God can heal; I just seem to have problems believing that he will. I prayed for my mother to be healed, with a no answer, I prayed for a 2 year-old girl and she was taken. I begged for healing for a 16 year-old in my church and was denied. I started to believe that God would not act.

But one day, this young man suddenly woke up. He is home now and recovering. He still has tons of therapy to go through, but he is alive, able to talk, tie his shoes, walk, etc. A miracle did indeed happen. From the fireman at the scene of the accident stating, “the fact that these boys are alive is proof that there is a God.” To the doctors who didn’t seem to give much hope for survival, there is plenty of evidence that a miracle did indeed occur.

So the next time I am praying for healing for someone, there will indeed be just a little more pep in me because I know now that while sometimes, maybe even most times, God says no, there are those wonderful times when He says “yes.”

To My Family

This is a letter I wrote to my family, please take time to hug your own family members and tell them that you love them, you never know when it will be your last time.



Over the past 6 months I have been to a funeral for a 3-year old, watched a 16 year-old young man waste away and had to attend his funeral as well, and now, spent much of the past week in prayer for a brother of someone who works here. The car he was in was struck by a drunk driver driving approximately 25 mph over the speed limit.

Today is very crucial for him, and things do not look all that good, but please pray for a miracle.


This made me think and realize more that each day is not to be taken for granted. That we get tomorrow only because God has deemed it best, and at any moment one of us could be taken home. I was talking to someone at work who had lost her mother at a young age as well and I was remarking how I had no regrets since she always knew that I loved her, and I knew that she loved me. There are not unsaid things I wish I would have said, because we, as a family, always told each other though our words and actions that we genuinely love each other.

Let me just take this moment to say to you all that I love you all, and no one has been more blessed than I to have such a great family. I wouldn't trade any of our moments together for anything. Quick walk down memory lane:

Brother #1: Sword fighting with yellow wiffle bats.

Sister #1: Cutting the hair off of your Rainbow Brite fuzzy creature

Sister #2: umm....Any memories that don't end with us getting in trouble? How about using the sofa cushion to sled down the stairs!

Sister #3: You grabbing a broomstick, me lifting you up and smacking you into the refrigerator while you laughed gleefully the whole time.

Dad: While I enjoy our golf outings, what I will always cherish are the times when you would play football with us...except for the time Brother #1 broke his collarbone I guess. You always made time for us, thanks.

I do not believe that any family could be better than the one I'm in.

I love you all and look forward to our gathering 4th of July weekend.

Fritz