Nothing Ever Happens

This song keeps running through my head.


For those who I haven't told yet this past week has been absolutely awful. Carrie's doctor has taken her off most of her pain medicine and we were worried at one point that she was going to no longer prescribe pain medication. Starting last Thursday, life started getting bad and it just kept going downhill from there. As I look back over the past week at the string of horrible events that just keep piling on top of each other I am amazed and astonished and I cling to the story of Job.

Carrie is now in constant agony, neither of us are getting any sleep, and there is nothing I can do to make her better.

I repeat to Carrie and myself that God is good, this is going according to His plan and that His plan is good and that we have to continue to have faith and trust and love Him. Somedays I believe it, other days it is harder. I pray the prayer of the father in the Gospels to "help my unbelief".

The elders are coming over tonight to anoint Carrie and pray over her for healing. I keep struggling with the fact that while I know that God can heal her, I just don't believe that He will, and that is why this song keeps running through my head.

Artist: Sufjan Stevens

Title: Casimir Pulaski Day

Album: Illinois

Golden rod and the 4-H stone
The things I brought you
When I found out you had cancer of the bone

Your father cried on the telephone
And he drove his car to the Navy yard
Just to prove that he was sorry

In the morning through the window shade
When the light pressed up against your shoulder blade
I could see what you were reading

Oh the glory that the Lord has made
And the complications you could do without
When I kissed you on the mouth

Tuesday night at the Bible study
We lift our hands and pray over your body
But nothing ever happens

I remember at Michael's house
In the living room when you kissed my neck
And I almost touched your blouse

In the morning at the top of the stairs
When your father found out what we did that night
And you told me you were scared

Oh the glory when you ran outside
With your shirt tucked in and your shoes untied
And you told me not to follow you

Sunday night when I cleaned the house
I find the card where you wrote it out
With the pictures of your mother

On the floor at the great divide
With my shirt tucked in and my shoes untied
I am crying in the bathroom

In the morning when you finally go
And the nurse runs in with her head hung low
And the cardinal hits the window

In the morning in the winter shade
On the first of March on the holiday
I thought I saw you breathing

Oh the glory that the Lord has made
And the complications when I see His face
In the morning in the window

Oh the glory when He took our place
But He took my shoulders and He shook my face
And He takes and He takes and He takes