The Toast

I will soon be the best man type at a friend's wedding. I am assuming that I will have to have some sort of speech prepared. I thought I would write it out here and see what people think of it. The couple getting married are not Christians and I do not intend to preach or anything like that since it is not my wedding. So here goes:

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Thank you all for coming to listen to me speak, I’m sorry you had to sit through the preliminary festivities, but it built up the anticipation.

When I look around at the people I know, I am astonished by how many years they have spent togehter. My parents were married for 29 years. 29 years, that is a long time, longer than I have been alive. I remember when Carrie and I went to a 50^th wedding anniversary for a relative of hers. 50 years together! Carrie’s grandparents were (or have been) married for over 70 years. They got married during the Great Depression. While I don’t know exactly how long your parents have been married, it has been awhile. Probably felt like longer than it actually was sometimes.

All of these people have something in common; it was really hard sometimes, excruciatingly hard even. They might have felt like giving in, giving up, quitting, but they didn’t. They persevered.

My grandfather told me that marriage isn’t a 50/50 deal, it is both people giving 100%. Remember that when it gets hard. The harder life gets, the more you have to work at keeping together. One of the things I have learned through my five years of marriage is that the worst arguments will be over the stupidest stuff. Like forgetting to use a 30 cent coupon at the store. Carrie's parents had an argument over a salt shaker and my parents fought over pancakes. Of course the cause of these fights is never a salt shaker, or even pancakes, but some other issue that wasn't dealt with properly and is simmering under the surface, waiting to erupt.

Good communication can help keep these arguments from rearing their ugly heads. You might not have to agree with each other's point of view on a subject, but you MUST listen to it.

There will most likely be a point in your lives when you will ask, “Why am I doing this?”

I don’t know. You will have to come up with your own answer. Personally I married Carrie for the tax deduction. I thought I could make money by tying the knot. After a recent cost analysis I realize that I have been screwed.

It is obvious that Carrie and Amanda's reason for wanting to get married wasn't due to our good looks, since, well, let’s be honest Jeff, you and I are butt-ugly.

Ok, let’s check the old toast to do list , I have offered wisdom, insulted the groom, so all that is left is to compliment the bride.

Amanda, you look very nice.

Raise glass

Good luck to both of you and may you both have endless patience with each other.

Ok, let's eat.

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What do you all think? All comments welcome. Mean comments are welcome but will be deleted.

Fritz