Call of Duty

How did you spend Friday night? I ran errands. In particular I went to Walgreen’s. There were some items on sale there and, of course, Wife #1 had coupons.

There was toilet paper on sale, tastefully called “bath tissue.” Some free eye lash brush, liner, thing, some other stuff and some items that are called “feminine products.” I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about, for the denser of you all, these items are used once a month.

Anyway, most guys have problems purchasing these items for some reason, I don’t have any qualms about it, but I have always drawn the line at using coupons to purchase them. Not sure why, I guess I just have to draw the line somewhere.

Friday though, these items were (1) on sale (2) with coupons (3) part of what is needed to be purchased in order to get a $10 gift card. I had to go.

There were several other items I needed as I have said, so I had to get a Walgreen’s cart. For those who don’t know, if a normal cart is the size of a Great Dane, a Walgreen’s cart is the size of a shiatsu. You cannot look normal pushing this cart around. You feel like you have been transported to Oz.

Your choices are to either use both hands to push the cart, looking like a large person inside a Geo Metro, or push it with one hand and assume that everyone who looks at you is secretly pitying you, since they all think that you are trying to look cool, while shopping at Walgreen’s on a Friday night and pushing around a shiatsu.

Anyway, I got the other items, saving the best for last. I walk into the aisle, in fear and trepidation. Most times I can be told a brand and color, but not this time. The packaging had been changed, I had to actually read each package to find out the ones I was looking for.

To make the situation better, the feminine products aisle was directly in line with the pharmacy counter, so it was heavily used. And the ones I was sent to get were on the bottom shelf.

I grabbed the first two, only to find that no others were immediately behind them. I got down on my knees and saw three others in the very back of the shelf. I stretched out, as far as I could, reaching for the three boxes. On my knees, next to a mini-kart, in the feminine products aisle of my local Walgreen’s, and I couldn’t reach them, I had to stretch further and pull them forward with the tips of my fingers. I had them! I had them!

As I left I thought, “Is this love?” Of course not, if love was pulling tampons toward you using your fingertips while on your knees in the middle of a heavily trafficked aisle, then why the heck do you never see that in the movies?

Fritz