Quick Reviews

Book

(One of the things that you read, it has pages)

Fevre Dream

by George R. R. Martin

This is a vampire tale, but not a classic vampire story. It is a vampire story on the Mississippi River during the Civil War, when steamboat captains reigned supreme and there was a poetic quality to the river. Of course, there is a major twist in the book that you will not guess. And the ending is not what you think it will be.

When I finished the book I felt that the author had set up things toom uch just to have nothing happen at parts, very anti-climactic in the middle of the book, it would build towards something, then fizzle, but it was still a good read. Martin is more than just an author, he is a story-crafter, his use of words is beautiful, he can make you feel like you are there. The epilogue is beautifully written. I had to read it several times, well worth the time, not a classic, but a good book.

3.5 out of 5

Movie

Batman Begins

I hate superhero movies, but Batman is a normal person, with all the normal person problems. An excellent tale of his beginnings, why he is the way he is, and why he dresses up like a bat. With a cast of Michael Caine, Gary Oldman (as a phenominal Sergeant Gordon), Liam Neeson, and Christian Bale (who I can't recall ever seeing before) doing a splendiferous job, the movie clicks well, even though it is long (2 hours, 21 minutes).

3.5 out of 5


Fritz

Call of Duty

How did you spend Friday night? I ran errands. In particular I went to Walgreen’s. There were some items on sale there and, of course, Wife #1 had coupons.

There was toilet paper on sale, tastefully called “bath tissue.” Some free eye lash brush, liner, thing, some other stuff and some items that are called “feminine products.” I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about, for the denser of you all, these items are used once a month.

Anyway, most guys have problems purchasing these items for some reason, I don’t have any qualms about it, but I have always drawn the line at using coupons to purchase them. Not sure why, I guess I just have to draw the line somewhere.

Friday though, these items were (1) on sale (2) with coupons (3) part of what is needed to be purchased in order to get a $10 gift card. I had to go.

There were several other items I needed as I have said, so I had to get a Walgreen’s cart. For those who don’t know, if a normal cart is the size of a Great Dane, a Walgreen’s cart is the size of a shiatsu. You cannot look normal pushing this cart around. You feel like you have been transported to Oz.

Your choices are to either use both hands to push the cart, looking like a large person inside a Geo Metro, or push it with one hand and assume that everyone who looks at you is secretly pitying you, since they all think that you are trying to look cool, while shopping at Walgreen’s on a Friday night and pushing around a shiatsu.

Anyway, I got the other items, saving the best for last. I walk into the aisle, in fear and trepidation. Most times I can be told a brand and color, but not this time. The packaging had been changed, I had to actually read each package to find out the ones I was looking for.

To make the situation better, the feminine products aisle was directly in line with the pharmacy counter, so it was heavily used. And the ones I was sent to get were on the bottom shelf.

I grabbed the first two, only to find that no others were immediately behind them. I got down on my knees and saw three others in the very back of the shelf. I stretched out, as far as I could, reaching for the three boxes. On my knees, next to a mini-kart, in the feminine products aisle of my local Walgreen’s, and I couldn’t reach them, I had to stretch further and pull them forward with the tips of my fingers. I had them! I had them!

As I left I thought, “Is this love?” Of course not, if love was pulling tampons toward you using your fingertips while on your knees in the middle of a heavily trafficked aisle, then why the heck do you never see that in the movies?

Fritz

Recap! Recap!

Sister #2 (mother of Fat Fatty) told me that she gets so mad at me due to my slow posting that she throws dishes against the wall.

Fortunately they use paper plates often.

Anyway, life has been busy for me so I thought I would give a quick recap of all that has occurred of consequence in the last two weeks.


Alex Smith threw his first touchdown pass of his pro career! He led the 49ers to a two game win streak to finish the 2005 season. Ending on a high note!


Joe Paterno and the Nittany Lions win the Orange Bowl in triple overtime over Florid State! A great ending to a phenomenal season.

Now on to more personal things.

I visited family at Christmas time, always fun, yet exhausting, had a very rigid schedule and--


If I could interject here, could you please stop boring your few remaining readers? Try talking about something interesting and funny!

How about a joke! I heard this from a guy at work the other day, I'll just slightly alter it to make it funnier.


Why don't Pentecostals....

Hey now! That is not quite family friendly there!

Oh, you've heard it....How about..

There once was a man from Nantu---

Ok, this post is over.